White Weekend

Weekend was a great one. It really didn’t start that good, Saturday was the day me and Ma – the spark guy will meet. The week before, everything was planned and all settled until last minute changes arose.
All of a sudden, he must go to RITM for a blood test. He arrived in the institution early morning and finished early. Since he’s from San Pablo, he got no place to stay. I was in deep sleep so no text came from me and i wasn’t able to accommodate him. I woke up with a notice from him that he’s already in Glorietta, i got pissed of since that’s not what we talked about. I am in rage for a reason that he doesn’t have a place to stay to, he’s in Glorietta for around 4-5 hours doing nothing.

I really stick to certain planned schedule, so i go gaga every time my plans are messed up.

Hindi man lang nya sinabi agad, plans are messed up. Eh kung sinunod nya yung mga bilin ko then you don’t have to suffer from doing nothing and just waiting in vain.

As a consequence, i prepared and got of the house around 430. I may sound rude, eh ganun eh..

Ok, enough with the fight scenes. We met and got eye to eye contact… Everything’s ok.
We talked about what happened and there you, happy again. We took dinner and went for some coffee while spending and wasting some extra time for the party. Ma introduced his bestfriend and off we go to Malate.

It’s time to party.. my first white party event. The crowd was so-so. There are the cuties, the hunks, the fags, the old friends and new ones. It’s like the same old Malate set up it’s just that the street was dense.

Met some old friends and the pozzie friends. Stayed up until 3am and we decided to look for an overnight stay place, I texted S, a fellow poz blogger and luckily he’s available! We rushed to far north and got there at almost 430am, bought some midnight snacks and freshened up. Making and sharing some stories, interest and chismis made the day.

The stay became exciting when the sun rose and we got another chance to make chismis. Ma and I were made an impression of S as a suicidal emo, he needs a partner, Ma uttered.

‘hmm, ireto kaya natin si Ja – the fedora-hat-fashionista guy from the self-empowerment seminar, maybe mag click silang dalawa? Pareho naman silang into photography at maliit.. Haha’

we set up the 2 guys, gave Ja’s number and facebook and there you go.. after ng ilang text, magkausap na agad sa phone. Seems that they’re into it..

Tummy’s roaring for some lunch and we were puzzled on what to pig out. S suggested sauteed sardines and Ma wants scrambled egg. Tag hirap eh, sa Tuesday pa kasi ang sweldo so we need to compromise.. They prepared stuffs and fixed some things. Time for lunch and it turned out they cooked the meal to almost perfection. Yummy!

Ayun, magkatext paren si S at J. Mukang ok sila..

Time for S’s work and we need to go home na. Went out of the farthest part of civilization around 6pm and into Makati by 8pm. We parted ways and Im gonna drop off Ma by the bus station off to Laguna. We took a small and fast dinner date and parted ways.

for sure, till now magka text or call mates paren si S at J.. Haha, so kilig.

Hey S let us know what happened ha? Aabangan kita sa office! Hahaha.. Evil grin.

Ta!

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Testing the Waters

Me and M, the spark guy, met for the second time..

Wednesday. He went to RITM for a skin rash check and Efavirenz prescription, since he’s not really into NVP. He stayed a bit longer in the lounge and went to my office for dinner. We only got 1 hr so we maximized our time, he asked me if he can stay overnight.. I don’t know for what reason, but I said yes. I gathered all my possible palusots with my mom since I’ll be bringing home a stranger. He waited for me in the office lounge for 4 hours and there you go..

4 hours? Oh my.. I can’t do that, San Pablo to Alabang then to Makati? I really appreciate that effort!

We agreed to walk from RCBC tower to EDSA Ayala, this way we can spend more time on chit chatting and knowing each other.

Rode the bus, the infamous habal-habal and finally got home. I introduced him to my mom as my officemate. Prepared stuffs, bought some foods and went for another round of chit chat.

Time passed by and Of course, 2 guys in a room?? What do you expect.. we did something kinky. He’s kinda rough and thirsty for some hot action, as we are doing it, it crossed my mind that it seems that this guy only wants sex and after this, wala na. A totally different feeling for me. Well, it’s our 2nd meet and we had sex… What’s new? He was the 2nd guy maliban sa ex ko na dinala ko sa bahay and did it.
I really felt that I was treated as an seb.

Ok, it turned the round table for me.. Iba talaga eh. We slept together and had brunch and he decided to drop me off sa office. We parted ways.

We’re still exchanging messages and talking over the phone so maybe it’s a sign na mali yung nasa isip ko. But then again, the feeling changed a bit. Maybe I’m just thinking too deep and raw for me to conclude something, but for now im still testing the waters. Maybe things are going too fast and i am overwhelmed of what is happening, i’ll let this sit for now and start to wait what might happen next.

Our next meet is on Saturday, he and his friends are inviting me for the upcoming white party in Malate. It’s my first time so i’ll to wait for new things.

Ta!

All Spark

The Spark Guy

It’s been a long time since i felt this, a spark. Spark, you feel a connection between him and you.. You feel like you’ve known each other well.

He’s M, i met him a couple of days ago in the self-empowerment seminar. It started out on the first day, remember that i was hesitant to enter the room and tried to squeeze in myself in the round table? He was the one who caught my attention first, not just head turning for the 2nd time but for more than 6 times. He has a good sense of fashion and he’s quite tall at 5’11! Although he’s a bit skinny for his frame and got rashes from Nevirapine, he’s still cute.. He’s my crush from the group.

As i sat in the round table with bunch of dynamic people, he’s the type of a talk-inviting guy coz of his light face and smile.. I really like his eyes, on how his chinito eyes were constructed. I can sense he’s a friendly one. Moments after, i can see in my peripheral vision that he’s looking at me and i think he wants to start a conversation. Ako naman, suplado effect as if i don’t notice anyone.. He found some confidence and approached me with some small talks…..

M: you look familiar
Z: you too! (which is totoo naman talaga)
M: i think i saw you somewhere maybe Gov or Bed.
Z: ah! Sorry, but i havent been there ever since.. Maybe you work in Makati…

He’s really now my crush, i dont know but he got me. Lols
The conversation goes until its lunch time. I sat beside him together with E, the so suplado, scary, serious guy that could kill with his banat and pambara.

He’s directly opposite of me on roundabout and i can always see his face and moves.. Ok, my friend R is already teasing me… Ok ok! I admit, crush ko sya and i like him. First impression was applauded.

I was really suprised when i learned that he’s gonna share with me and J the room for the night… Hmmm

so there you go, we were just inside the room having a little chit chat.. J was on the other room having fun with the other boys.

Hmmm.. This is getting intimate. I won’t get into details, haha lols.

During the stay of the seminar, i confessed that i liked him. (my first time of doing that, maybe an influence of the seminar topic about disclosure) and it turned out that he likes me too.. No more drama or frills.

After the seminar, Me, him and D – the girly gay decided to have some chit chat over coffee.. And so we did. He was fun to be with. Also D. We were full of chismis and cute stories to tell. We went home and parted ways, M is from Laguna so i decided to drop him off in a nearby terminal. Got home and got spontaneous exchanging sms and calls.

I know it’s too early to tell, let’s test the waters and see if this will work out. I’m sure it will.

Take care, redeem yourself M. ;p

Ta!

Post Seminar Period

The Self-Empowerment seminar was really fun, i got the chance of meeting new good friends and ease my longing burden regarding the condition. I was even trying to back out when I knew Becky wouldn’t come.. Courage really pays.

I can’t say that I am already empowered just the day after the seminar, there are still a lot of realization to make. The seminar was an eye opener for me and it really gave me the opportunity to see things differently.

The fun part of the seminar was about the personal introduction and the dear friend part. Tears were also shed but not too much as what I expected. The mixture of dynamics of the team made the experience a perfect one, there’s the funny and loud type, the matured ones, the suplados, the kiddy jugglers, the reseverved ones, the smart and witty and almost everything you can think of. You would know who can be of a long term friend and who’s not, but regardless.. it was fun!

Disclosure was one of the most tackled issue on the seminar. You take the risk of disclosing everything for you to gain either love or hate.. Basically that’s it.

And because of that, I decided to spill my condition to an ex-date of mine. Last night he texted me after he got my number attached in my message for him in a personal website. I can say na bati na kami since i felt the his warm welcome of a new friendship. At first I was really hesistant and awkward of spilling the bean, i went along the bushes and got lots of uhm’s, ahh’s’ and eh’s.. He now knows, and he’ relaxed. It was a pretty straight forward conversation, i know he’s intelligent and he would understand everything.. He did! He was even grateful coz i let him realize my condition now. But after a while he’s not talking to me anymore.. Maybe it’s a two-faced risk for me.. None the less, i did my part.

What’s in store for me after the seminar? Im not sure… I can’t tell, i would know when i cross the bridge and get there.

Ta!

Great Weekend

I just got home from an overnight training seminar held by RITM.
Self-Empowerment training.
Im doing this blog while my memory is still good like fresh fish from the sea.. excited to dive back into the water.

I registered months ago together with Becky, I was excited then since it’s my first time to attend such event. Days were like speed cars and now it’s time for the said event. Unfortunately Becky cant’t make it because of some personal liabilities. So most likely, IM ALONE!

The day has come and I prepared myself a bit late since I know for myself that everybody is practicing the Filipino Time. lols. I arrived in City State Tower at around 1030am. I passed by the hall and saw a bunch of guys and Dr. D and R. I was a little afraid and totally shy since I think i’m late (it really pays to be early, i wont experience the grand entrance!) lols, i cant go in since i’m way too nervous.. i decided to wait in the lounge and tried to gasp for confidence and right timing, minutes later Ate Beth came (thank you Lord!) she accompanied me inside and there you go…

I sat in the round table and tried to squeeze myself in the filled one.. a girly-gay offered me a space, a sigh of relief for me, tried to roll my eyes on every people in front of me and saw several guys of all ages..

Here goes the characters (i’ll try to extract my memory the best as i can):

Ron- a dance instructor from a famous gym center. FF
Da – the sweet and pretty girly-gay.
Re – the reserved and defensive late comer. Has wife but vulnerable to both M/F encounters.
Er – a scary, masungit, suplado, so serious guy. He’s cute.
Rom – a previous ship worker
Jo – a playful, child-like guy.. sorta cute.
Ja – a friend of mine, the fedora hat fashionista guy.
Ju – a super quiet type from Palawan.
Ry – the engineer.
Jos – the straight guy.
Ge – hmmm, not really familiar..
Ki – the so mature thinker advertising guy.
Be – from PAFPI?
Lo – H4 guy.
Za – me?
Ma – my crush :D. spark guy, hihih

Activities went well, the introduce yourself part, story of your life, career planning, emotion handling, self image enhancement and all those stuffs primarily designed for empowering people.
The activities were so fun and got the opportunity to learn everyone’s struggle in life.

As the night went by, we parted ways on our designated rooms.. luckily, i have Ja with me, and Ma, yikeee. lols.. landi!
I dont wanna go onto details on this.. 😀 haha
We went to each others room to meet and greet some of the fellow attendees.
Went to sleep and there you go…. 😀

2nd day was a great one as expected, lots of fun activities and sharing. Time was running too fast and the day were almost set. some cried and some laughed. it was all fun. It’s time to part ways as the older batches or should i say the tenured ones arrived and invited us for dinner. It’s not really a good time for Da, me and Ma (:D) to have dinner so we went on a separate way, strolled down RP and went on coffee and had some little chit chat.. chismis!

A lot of realizations were instilled in my mind. maybe i will have this on my next blog post.
but for now, i wont keep this long, it was really a great experience and a fun to be with group.
Most importantly Met new friends of the same wave length and a chance to share ideas and be more socially and emotionally responsible. All thanks to Dr. R and the organizers of the seminar. 🙂

Ta!

Lightning strikes more than once

Had some random events happened during the past weekend…

Now im already stressed (again) with the thought of me having a serious opportunistic infection..
A respiratory system related one, it could be either TB, pneumonia (which i have a gut feeling) or histoplasmosis (which i doubt). Well i have to wait until next week for the result of my xray and to submit again another set of sputum specimen. Friday, I was working peacefully when i got an sms message from R. This is how he texted,

Di ko alam na ganito wala ng kasiguraduahn ang buhay ko.. malungkot ang mga araw ko kahit kasama ko kayo (his friends). Alam ko kayoy aking napapasaya pero pag tayoy naghiwahiwalay na. Oras koy malungkot na.

ok, maybe he’s depressed or sad because of something, but come to think of it, a group message with this kind? i dont think so… i replied (from what i remembered)

dont spread negativity, always think positive….

then all of a sudden he said…

Wag na natin itago ang totoo na paranag tumigil na ang mundo mo.. Tanggapin ang tadhana na tayoy abnormal na.

What the?! what is he trying to point out? he’s already getting into my nerves while we argue with his pathetic statements until i got this message from him..

wag ka magmasakara na animoy naka ngiti ka, dahil hindi mo maitatatwa na isa kang pugita

Fuck this bitch! if i were beside this guy, he’ll get an black eye…
my god, he’s so desperate.. of having a relationship or something, basta punyeta talaga!
i can’t blame him if he felt this way, but please… don’t spread the negativities. others can help but you don’t have to express yourself as such..

I owe this guy for giving me company when i enrolled in RITM.. for now, i hate him for doing that. though he said “im sorry…”

Saturday, Those what he said ran into my mind. Im abnormal, isolated from the normal ones..
i’ve been here and i already moved on but when he said this, it came back again and made me depressed. I was in the office and talked to no one, i hit on my ipod and played all the songs to divert all my feelings. After work, i decided to take sweets coz i know it will help lessen my burden.. i dont have an idea of where to go, i walked from RCBC to Ayala MRT and finally decided to go to San Miguel by the Bay and treat myself for a Starbucks. Still depressed i ordered a venti iced mocha and a chilled apple fritter, the barista is cute.. he’s friendly and i tried to start a mini conversation by asking how can he make my iced mocha sweeter. ok, i think he’s smart coz of the way he speaks… Luckily there was a vacant seat, im enjoying my sweets when suddenly… my ipod turned off and battery’s drained! oh no… this can’t be!
I don’t save songs on my phone so there’s no use… tsk.

Instead, i went on my usual past time… Watching people. Quite fulfilled, but the depression has stricken back. Thanks to R! (sarcastically)

Ta!

I’m ready… but Fate isn’t

pretty long entry for today, hope you wont feel lazy. 🙂

I was diagnosed last March and got a quite low cd4 count of 282, it’s been months now and yet im not taking any arv’s. I don’t know but im not ready yet or maybe it just so happen that there’s not much happening in my body now so i dont feel the urge and need of taking it…

Mid April, my furuncolosis recurred for the nth time. not really severe but a couple of nodules.. like 2-4. at the same time, i had something.. (im shy to disclose, haha) so I went to RITM to have it checked and they gave me ample Azithromycins and TMP-SMXs (co-trimaxazole) to cover these ailments. I promised myself that after these wounds have healed, i’ll take my arv’s na. Days turned into weeks and my wounds were healed, so I targeted a schedule to go back to RITM for the arv prescription. The next day, the morning of my scheduled task, my throat is aching and im having a low-grade fever, i knew for myself that this is tonsillitis but i ignored it and went to RITM… As the doctor and i were talking and she almost handed over the prescription paper, i uttered my complain about my throat, she checked my mouth and saw these very large tonsils! she said…

uh, uh! hindi ka muna mag arv.. gamutin na muna natin yan!

as she pulls away the paper.. sigh! hawak ko na!!!!
then she gave me co-amoxiclav.

ok fine…

Ailments were gone, my birthday’s coming so i decided for myself that i’ll be taking arv’s after my special day.. of course, it’s like a rebirth. for the past 23 years of my life im not taking any lifetime medication, so i’ll do this on my 24th year.. i hope this makes sense.

Ok, im already 24, days have passed after my birthday and here we go, as scheduled, I went to RITM today to my arv prescription. I arrived at around 3pm, as expected.. no patients. almost zero visibility. Most of the OPD customer are in the morning. Ate Ana said I can wait in the lounge as there’s a miniature line waiting, as I went to the lounge i saw Shola, what a nice way to start my visit today. Not much people in the lounge, just one sleep guy and a new friend i’ve met during my first visit. so there’s no one really to share things out and i decided wowowee na lang. Ate Ana called me and it’s my turn… I was surprised coz Dra. Ditangco was there, it means that she will be the one assessing me.. we talked about getting my first arv’s, but again i uttered another complaint, my chest is aching and i’m producing grayish sputum. She assessed my condition and decided that i take another sputum test and chest xray. Not again!!! postponed nanaman ag arv’s ko.. ok, let’s get this done so next week i’ll have everything set into place.

I went into the xray room and the technician took my chest image, he was nice, he also greeted me happy birthday.. thanks kuya! i had a sneak peak on the developed film and i saw whitish marks on my chest. OMG what is this!!?? i know it could be either TB or pneumonia… No way!
well, i have to wait for the sputum test results… the only im bothered is, my company will be having it’s annual physical exam and they might see that my chest’s having problems… hmmm,

PLAN A – expedite everything. first day of the week next week, i’ll submit my specimens and check my xray, ask for medications so the week after next week, it may be cleared. and go with the APE as scheduled.

PLAN B – still expedite everything, just like plan A BUT delay my APE and have it 2 weeks after the scheduled one. hmmmm.. i think this is best! 😀

going back to Dra. Ditangco, in fairness, she’s nice.. my impression of her way before i first saw her was she’s masungit and may attitude.. but not, she’s indeed nice.

I left RITM with a mixture of Stress – coz of the xray i saw and Happiness – i was able to meet Dra. Ditangco for the first time and of course met my friends.
I went to a big mall in Ortigas to have a massage, stressed eh.. so i hovered over a spa center and took an hour massage.. i think im fulfilled. i guess… 😀 Took dinner and went home…

I really wanted to start arv’s , but fate wont allow me… i wonder why?

Ta!