Accused of nothing

I am accused of something that i don’t do or even can’t do.. and it really hurts especially if you partner is the one accusing you. 😦

Just a while ago, Im on my way home, Ma ran out of load and uses his tita’s phone for communicating. I’m like a time card on a bundy clock, reports every moment and place im into.

I was commuting along Ayala Av., then EDSA then SLEX then southwards.
I finally got home when he texted,

tawagan mo ko, mag redeem ka ng points (superunli)

on my dismay, i dont want to use my points. instead, i told him..

bukas na lang kita tatawagan after ko mag load kasi 2 pesos na lang to

then he was now calling, still using his tita’s phone, and i wasn’t able to attend to it since im busy freshing up and getting dressed down.

now he’s angry and full of fury.. he texted,

sagutin mo tawag ko kung nasa bahay ka na

simpleng redeem hindi mo magawa

well kung sakit mo na mag sinungaling wala na ko magagawa….

maging totoo ka. malakas pakiramdam ko pag niloloko ako

kaw din ang gumagawa ng move para mawalan trust sayo ng mga tao

it really hurts… really really hurts.
eh tarantado pala to eh!!!!
im not lying. why would i, it’s thursday. bakit ako gigimik kung alam kong may pasok pa ko
kinabukasan. fuck this shit!!!!

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Instant Life-Changer

Im now taking arv’s … Surprise!

Yeah, it was really unexpected.

I planned to go to RITM for a check up.
I have a serious OI by the way. Haha.

The doctor checked me and run through my chart. She said, ‘feeling ko
mas mababa na cd4 mo kesa dati (which was 282) kaya ka nagka ganyan’.
She even called a fellow doctor to confirm my condition.. 2 of them
decided to check my cd4 count but it was too early for September.
‘kelangan mo na mag arv’ they uttered. ‘kasi kung ano ano na dumadapo
sayo,mababa na cd4 mo’. What??!! I was really caught of guarded.. Wala
na ko nagawa! They even called Dr. Ditangco for approval. Oh my, i was
just here to have my oi checked and now im pressured with arv’s ..
lols. Ok fine so be it! Take it take it..

They prescribed me

Truvada and Isentress…

Common, of course not!

Lamivudine + Zidovudine + Nevirapine

it’s my 2nd take of NVP and thank god for no adverse rashes 🙂

it was an instant life changing regimen, if others were very latent
and trying to avoid it, but for me, i look forward every 12pm and
12am.

My new bestfriends:

Lamivudine
Zidovudine
Nevirapine, for now
Acyclovir, for my oi treatment
Azithromycin
Co-trimaxazole
Ascorbic Acid
Vitamin B complex
Multivitamins
Isopropyl and Ethyl alcohol
Sulfur and Triclosan based soaps

hopefully my cd4 count will jump from 282 to 400+ haha cross-fingers!

Ta!

Round About

Last Saturday, Ma and his friends planned to join the yoga session by
Pa. It got cancelled by any chance and they called in to meet me in
Shangrila. Fine, another last minute cancellation. Ma and I were not
in the good mood, as you can see from my last blog, i let him feel
that i was really upset, angry and so frustrated of what he is doing..

I met Ma and a good friend of his, E. And went our way for some
afternoon coffee and chitchat. Things were not really in the scene coz
of my rage.

Cutting it short, inaway ko siya ng bongga and threw all my anger ang
angst. He did the same, and we were doing it in the presence of his
good friend.. Well, nakakahiya din. But ok na din kesa hindi ko pa
masabi. Went out for a dinner, still with Ma, E and now.. E’s ex. What
a complicated scenario. I felt a library-silence and awkward moments
between us. We parted ways with silence, them, going to Laguna for a
party event and me, going home.. I decided to spend my time alone.

The day after, Sunday, of course.. Im still an existing human entity
with feelings… I felt guilty of what I did. So I said sorry… And
there you go, bati na uli kami..

Several days after, eto we’re arguing again! Another trust issue. I
dont know if i did something wrong or what.

I couldnt believe that being honest can lead to a senseless argument.
Here’s what happened…

Way before, we argued about my ex being my officemate. Seeing each
other and sometimes having an unintentional lunch get together, of
course with my other colleagues. A while ago, my ex sent me a message
asking a favor and wants to entrust me of his belonging, so i took my
lunch break and we met in the pantry, chit chatted for a while and did
his purpose.

Co-incidentally, Ma texted and asked kung sino kasabay ko mag lunch..
I was honest, i told him i was with my ex and King.
The rest was history.. Argue argue argue.

Sheeeeesh.. When this gonna end?
is patience really a virtue?

Ta!

Acting Up

All the Lovers – Kylie Minogue

All stimulants and depressants are onto me, what’s happening?

Well aside from the burdens mentioned from the previous post, here comes another one.
It’s not really a big issue but it really affects my emotional capabilities,

My partner (slash) / date (another slash) / bf to be? is acting up.
I can say immaturity is prevailing, (graduate na ko sa mga ganitong tao, so no big deal) AGAIN.

1. he’s too paranoid, every friend, officemate, best friend and person that I text/call/speak to eh may issue. He’s too paranoid to think that i’m messing up with him. He even sneaked into my phone and checked all the messages with out me knowing it. I can’t blame him nor his past for acting such.. but common man! live in the future and don’t dwell yourself from the past. grow up pls.

2. trust issue. cutting it short, HE’S NOT TRUSTING ME.
i think i dont have to explain this.. coming from the horse’s mouth.

3. proximity and stability issues. (can really be compromised, but for me plays a crucial role in a relationship) he’s from the south, San Pablo, Laguna to be exact. As of now he doesn’t have a job since he got sick and still catching up from the loss. He’s doing ok now, more than kicking.. he can now fuck ass.

Ok, you might think that I’m too materialistic regarding this but hey, reality bites.
I don’t even see the urge and initiation of redeeming himself.. he’s like tamad pa.
Maybe it’s a sick hang over? Hey, time is running..

I can’t elaborate the things happened to us, but what i feel now is certainly different from the time i met him last Self-Empowerment seminar. Things really do change.

I think we should get to know deeper and build the “TRUST” thingy..

I’m not happy.

Ta!

2010 is the worst

As I am writing this blog, rains from the clouds fall so as tears from my eyes..

It seemed that everybody is busy even the blog world guys, no recent and new posts lately.

The title is pretty straight forward. 2010 is the worst.

Every problem and burden were thrown all this year,

financial woes, some personal matters and being sero-converted. I know that I’m a strong person, I usually hurdle all of my problems by myself and I’m proud to say that I can really surpass them out.

Change is the only constant thing in this world, it seems that I can’t no longer handle things just the way I did before. As what I learned from the Empowerment seminar,

to lessen your burdens share them, take the risk of letting other know what you feel for they might help you out.

ok, share my problems and burdens, which I really normally don’t do.
I tried sharing them and yes, It helped but It’s still me… me, who can fix these things.

nasa diyos ang awa nasa tao ang gawa

now, I don’t know what to do.. Im tired of crying, my Lacrimal glands are numb na.

Im slowly giving up.. I can’t see any reason for me to hold on tight…