Mr False Teenage Dream

It was a normal weekend, I scheduled myself to see Dra. G of Makati Med for the nth because I saw a tint of blood on my sputum, out of panic and freak out am having thoughts of this might be the dreaded tuberculosis. Still confused of the symptoms since I don’t experience any fevers, chills nor sudden weight loss. Before I meet the doctor there was this patient who so skinny, wearing mask, unhealthy skin and aura. Out of curiosity I tried to sneak what he’s up to. My excellent 20-20 vision – can even see 8pt font size from meters away, saw his prescription paper saying Lamivudine + Zidovudine with Dra. G’s familiar handwriting.. Ok, no need to ask.. He’s positive to, I think he’s just new to this world. 
I met Dra. G and hurriedly ask for another series of tests to confirm what’s going on, she requested – AFB smear and PTB sensitivity and culture. I went to the Pathology lab and had day 1 of 2 of sptum collection, its not that easy to collect sputum and the whole test costs around 7.5 pesos. Quite expensive, good thing I have this medical insurance. 
Right after I finish my hospital obligations, an sms was received from this guy. Let’s call him Mr. Teenage dream. Giving a brief background, we met through this gay social site. I did a photo shoot of him unaware that we already chatted. He’s taller than I do – 6ft. 2 inches more than mine, I admit he’s cute and sweet, have a great physique, and from that point in time I know he’s a good guy — a teenage dream. 
We decided to meet somewhere halfway between the hospital and his pad, took the cab and went to a nearby mall for a dinner and movie date. As expected, he was sweet during the movie screening, touching and holding my hand, doing some laughing matters and yada yada yada. I loosen up and stopped my stiffness and went to the flow. We dined somewhere and continued the sensible chit chat. We were smiling and laughing the whole night and it felt good. Maybe it was one the handful moments that you can see me smile. 
He’s naughty and had this double entendre dialogues. Which I find it unusual, so am having this impression of he’s just another guy from that gay social site. we went to his pad – which I also expected, a sex date. It’s not new. Of course I had this doubt, I don’t wanna be guilty of spreading my lifetime award. I set my mind not to do penetration and play it extra safe. The moment we went inside his pad, the action begins. I don’t know if he’s that horny, wants to sex with me, or excited of doing so or what. Shortly, he planned to penetrate me with his enormous tool – no rubber on it. My mind clicked and said no, don’t do that I might bleed. But to his excitement he continues and insisted. I was bluffing it around that he made it, but not. I didn’t allow him to enter.  He was so persistent and attempted to do it more than 6x or so. Of course I won’t allow it. But all of a sudden he grabbed his poppers, I know what’s that for – meant to relax your muscles especially your behind. He let me sniff two times, one with the other. It was my first time to try it and it was like sniffing acetone or a menthol candy. then he tried to enter again, the poppers seem ineffective and my consciousness was still alive, I insisted that it was already hurting and not to do it anymore.. His excitement was still on and grabbed the poppers again and we sniffed. My body was like immune to it and it got no effect. I stopped the action and went to the comfort room as I felt a stinging sensation. And yeah it was bleeding. I sat quietly like and felt anger. No penetration was made so I think everything is still fine. 
I was totally turned off. I just sat quietly and never spoke. I just wanna go home. It felt that I was forced with this. It was planned but I didn’t expect this to happen. He was so apologetic. I quietly accepted it and after a couple hours, decided to go home.
With that couple of hours, it seemed nothing happened. I took the chance of observing his actions. He’s just the same as others. That poppers alone already showed it. No need for rocket science. Still a good guy – best foot forward. Went home and now wondering what to do with this wound, it hurts but it’s tolerable.
Am just sad why this thing happened to me, I know it was planned but never thought like this disastrous. Now he doesn’t ring my phone. Who cares, maybe I won’t see him again. He and his poppers. Gamitin na lang nya sa iba yun.
By the way, I got the AFB smear result: negative for acid fast bacilli, culture and sensitivity to follow – after 6 weeks.

Mental Check

Common depression symptoms include:

Feelings

    • Hopelessness and helplessness – CHECK• Unhappiness and loss of confidence – CHECK
    • Tension and anxiety – CHECK
    • Irritability, anger or fear – CHECK
Thoughts

    • Difficulty concentrating – CHECK• Difficulty making decisions – CHECK
    • Suicidal – ALMOST CHECK
    • Memory loss – CHECK
    • Major life changes – CHECK
    • Guilt, worthlessness or being unwanted – CHECK

Behaviors

    • Inability to enjoy normal things – CHECK• Slow reactions – CHECK
    • Irresponsible behavior – CHECK
    • Neglect of one’s appearance – CHECK
Physical symptoms

    • Continual tiredness and easy tiring – CHECK• Sleeping problems eg. early waking – CHECK, TROUBLE SLEEPING
    • Eating problems eg. poor appetite, weight loss – CHECK
    • Headache, constipation or indigestion – CHECK
    • Loss of energy and sex drive – CHECK

Read more:http://www.healthy-holistic-living.com/7-stages-of-depression.html#ixzz1UwAx2bvT


NOT BEING SENSATIONAL.

Underrated question

I met this poz guy over the internet. I was too aloof and doubtful answering his questions since I really don’t trust anybody. Especially nowadays when this blog came out disclosing these allegedly HIV positive guys. They’re like the most stupidest.. yes, “the MOST STUPIDEST’ persons on Earth. Emphasis on that redundancy. They were like disclosing these guys, posting pictures and profiles telling don’t engage with them since they are positive in an effort to reduce the sero-converted population. Well, just search for them and you’ll be stunned to annoyance.
Going back. This guy was chatting with me for a couple of days. He was eager to meet in person for some chit chat and talks over coffee. He then asked for number. I was a bit skeptical of his identity so I asked his.
The next day, I decided to give him an sms and got an instant reply. Conversations were a convincing so maybe I could trust him…
Everything was fine, he asked me for a meet up to discuss about my life of being converted. Ok, maybe he needs a bit of counselling which I am NOT trained at until this line of message…

Well, I should be used to that since it is the most asked on the gay world. Honestly am no typical hunk type of guy, nor an airhead jock on the block. And not that super in the closet type like Piolo Pascual and other celebrities.. I was quite offended by this. Nawalan tuloy ako ng gana I-meet tong guy na to. For me it’s a sign of disrespect, and I don’t tolerate it. Am having this gut feeling that he has this hidden agenda. I just don’t know what. He said he was going to the gym, so I expect he’s another superficial in disguise. Ano ba naman, positive ka na nga, ganyan paren ba? Pwede for a change naman maging humble?
If only Efavirenz side effect wouldn’t include drowsiness and draining energy, I would have gone and kicked my ass out of the gym and be as hot as whoever.
I don’t wanna impose now, let’s test the waters.

Indirect hit

Here’s a short story where it made me decide not to disclose my sero status to my mom.
When Dra. G and I had that small catch up, she asked me if I have siblings. I said no, am just the only child. She asked, How about your parents? Do you still live with them? – Yes, I do and with my mom. How about your dad? – No, he’s dead since I was like 12 yo. If that’s the case, If I were you I’ll tell mom that I am HIV positive. Dalawa na lang kayo. – Hmm, I don’t think so. I know how she’s gonna react.
Me, mom and this soon to be doctor cousin was having lunch. At the same time, we were watching news. There was this segment about HIV found in donated bloods and it’s on the loose. The segment was as short as 3 spoonfuls of food when all of a sudden my mom was like crappy. 
She began with statements like – “Poor those HIV victims, they were too promiscuous and they deserve it”
Of course it was really awkward, so I just kept on munching my lunch when minutes later she gave a blast of indirect remarks – which I know she’s doing it on purpose.
“You can get HIV by meeting boys and girls through Facebook” – an indirect remark since she’s having hints that I am meeting/dating through Facebook. No hard evidence though.
“You can get HIV through prostitutes (she mentioned boys and girls so I think am still safe of being outed as gay) especially in malls like xxxxx” – another indirect hit, she knew that I was in xxxxx just last week.
When a third strike was about to erupt, I hurriedly stood up as if I was gonna take the shower. I don’t wanna hear anything like those statements. I know those were meant for me. If that’s the case, then let this secret be a secret. 
Decision is final. The next thing the household will know is when I am confined in a hospital with a serious and life threatening illness.
Maybe there’s still a chance with my incoming doctor cousin. But we are not that close. Gonna test the waters first.

Self-reliance is now the key for survival. No parental nor peer shoulder to ask.

A little ketchup

It was a weekend and my health is not on the great mood, my condition is getting worse gradually so I decided to have a check up with my good old friend from Makati Medical Center. RITM’s OPD is closed on weekends so this was a perfect timing to meet and have a little catch up with Dra. G (get it, ketchup?)

Dra. G was the first person in contact to know about my situation. She was the one who suggested to have the test and introduced me to this world. She’s nice and cool just like her curly hair.

There were a lot of patients in line and while waiting for my turn, I saw this guy… a familiar one. We met before and had this hanky panky stuff. He was also waiting for his turn, Now am guessing that he is of the same sero-status. Of course I am confident that it wasn’t my fault. It was years back, three or maybe four years ago.. Seeing using my peripheral vision, I know he’s looking at me trying to stare if am gonna stare back. sorry, suplado paren ako.. so hindi ko siya pinansin.

He was done and it was my turn, Doc G was surprised seeing me and her big smile made my day.

She ordered a chest xray, cbc and prescribed those meds. I went to the the Radiology department and waited for my test. In all fairness, Rad Techs there are cute. Next was Pathology and Laboratory, I always wanted to have my blood work to be done here. Their phlebotomist is very good in extracting blood, not a single pain when pricking.

I waited for a day for the results, Xray showed that my chest were normal. So no big deal. And oh, by the way xray results were hi-tech .. they burn it on DVD! yes, you have that dvd copy of your xray.. pretty cool.

But the cbc result is not that good.. there were a lot of high’s and low’s,

Monocytes were high, 10% of 0-7 range. Indicates an infection.
Hemoglobin, Hematocrit and RBC were low. Maybe the side effect of AZT/3TC
MCV were very high, as well as MCH and MCHC

I still hope this is not pneumonia or TB since chest xray were clear. Just anxious about the monocyte level.

Gotta have a follow up check up within the week, stormy weather is up again I hope I can make it on Thursday. Or this bronchitis thingy will improve.

Not feeling well

Not really in good shape the past 2 weeks. 
First week, I caught the common cold.. and it was so nasty that I had to call in sick for work. Which I usually don’t do. Had a terrible fever, runny nose and headaches. The common signs of cold. After a couple of days, everything went well.. 2 or 3 days after… I got Acute Bronchitis. Coughing like a dog.
It’s getting worse now as chest pains start to sink, which makes me think if this is already something to worry about – like pneumonia or TB. I hope it stays with the Bronchitis part. 
Am now taking some antibiotics prescribed by my good doctor friend from Makati Med.
Rx: Azithromycin (Zithromax) 500mg, one tab/day for 3 days.
And in all fairness, the tablet got cheaper. Two years ago it was around 250+ pesos/tab. Now, around 170+ pesos. That’s already a relief. 
Am gonna get my lab test results from Makati Med and hopefully everything is just as good as normal. Especially the xray test. 
August, and I still haven’t taken my CD4 test from RITM. That should have been done last July. Am taking my ARVs as prescribed and somewhat on time, so it is expected to rise more than what it is now – 610. Estimate of around 700-900.
Well, am on my 2nd day of medication and I hope later I’d be fine or see some improvement. Hope those test results would go fine.