Dead End Conversation

It was lunch time, mom and I were watching an lunch time TV news program and  the topic was about children stuff… For your information, I’m the only child of the family.

Mom suddenly uttered…

MOM: magampon kaya tayo ng bata para masaya naman dito sa bahay? (why don’t we adopt a child?)

ME: …… nom! nom! nom!

Plain and simple. Read between the lines.

The One That Got Away

Inspired by Katy Perry’s newly released song – The One That Got Away.

Yeah, I love Katy Perry so deal with. Lyrics are so strong, about a lost chance on love. And I’m telling this because I can relate to it.
Let’s call him guy M, M for a name widely used by boys.
We’ve met online and had a very long conversation over the virtual means. This was like 3 years ago, so I was like 22 years old and he was 25 or 26. I was an engineering student and he’s a financial analyst, a graduate of accountancy.
The moment we met was an instant click, he’s just an average looking guy but full of logical and intellectual mind. We clicked together in a sense of there was no dull moment and had continuous conversation. We have a lot of similarities back then, like tech things, games and other stuff.
It was surreal. He’s smart, I can feel his responsible and all the good traits a guy can have.

The dating went on and to our enjoyment we didn’t notice that we were going for like 4 months. He proposed under the fireworks and wanted something on the next level, more than what we have. I declined. I want to enjoy our current relationship. And perhaps I haven’t moved on from my 1st ex. 

Despite this we still continued our exclusive dating and until the 8 month, I decided to end everything.
I know and felt how hard was this for him, as he felt he was cheated and used. I felt sorry and that instance I stood by my decision. Maybe I was fed up of everything we do. Naumay at nagsawa.
He was bitter.
Now, being more mature than before concluded why I made the decision – I was superficial. I was so superficial that I can’t even appreciate what he did.
Now, I feel a big regret why I stood by my decision to let go and end everything.
The last thing I heard of him is he’s now working for a Telco company, still a financial analyst. This used to be 2 buildings away from my office. In fact, I always see him every 5pm. He looks better now and I can see that he’s happy.
With those happiness I see from him is a total opposite of what I feel. Regret. I have no one to blame but myself.
Every time I see him, It brings back the good memories of us being together. He used to accompany me to my house every time we go out, those cadbury chocolates he gave me, those playstation games we used to play. He was the who opened my thoughts on travelling and no matter how I hate it being given with flowers on Valentine’s Day, he still gave me dozens of roses.
After years of no communication, we had the chance to talk. Of course, I don’t expect that it will happen again but instead I disclosed my sero status with him. After that, connection was cut. The only chance I get to see him is when he goes home by 5pm. Looking at the far the side of the building, that’s the best way I can take a look of him. 
Now I am paying the price, the regret and guilt of what I did.

All these money can’t buy me a time machine
Can’t replace you with a million rings
I should have told you what you meant to me
Cause now I pay the price

A guy I won’t forget. A guy I will no longer meet.
If I should have said yes, perhaps this wouldn’t happen.

My current health status

As of November 2011, my current sero/health status:

CD4 count: 608 units – from 610 units of December 2010

Viral load: 86 units – from 111,000+ units of initial Treatment Hub enrollment (2010),
after more than a year of taking EFV, still not undetectable. But there’s a drastic change, a sign of NO VIROLOGIC FAILURE

Hemoglobin count: 176 units – as per RITM’s CBC vs 124 units of company APE’s CBC, so RITM told me am not Anemic contrary to what was previously diagnosed. 

Cholesterol/Triglyceride level: Borderline high, as per Makati Medical Center’s Blood Chemistry Test, this is an obvious side effect of my ARV’s.

Hepatitis A/B/C: Non – reactive

Pulmunary XRAY: normal

AFB smear and culture: no AFB seen

TB culture sensitivity: No growth seen for 6 weeks, via MMC’s TB BACTEC MGIT test

Cryptococcal Antigen Latex Agglutination test: Negative, as per RITM since 2010


I’m so sick and tired of meeting hypocrite guys whom I get to chat online – well, the most.

They not just put their best forward but they actually transform to another stereotype acting to be a good white and tamed sheep.

I must admit, am no perfect but what I wanna point out is how true and honest I am to people. 

Very rare that this is reciprocated, most of the time it’s the other way around. 

The most overrated statement I heard recently is – “you know, am not really into sex and those stuff, I’m a good boy and I don’t want to infect others bla bla bla..” Then you’ll see him grabbing his phone checking Grindr. This is so humiliating.

Thank god I have an eagle eye, reliable senses and can easily see stuff under the table. No matter how they hide it, I can still see details of it..

Oh well, maybe it’s time to change.. Be no good guy anymore. I can’t beat them so perhaps I’ll be joining then instead.