Onto Solo Travel

Living with HIV has made me realize that sooner or later, life will eventually end. Of course, it is not isolated to PLHIVs but rather to everyone. I have seen many condolences post on this HIV group, seeing someone passed away at his/her early life. This made me think, when’s my time? I’m not really afraid of death, I look forward to it. Why? To end every pain and loneliness. Hanging by a thread if you may call it.

It came into my senses of the things I should be doing, experience the most while kicking. That’s when solo travelling took place. When I was younger, travel is not my thing. I buy more clothes and gadgets. It wasn’t really healthy for the mind and soul. It somehow changed 5 years ago, after getting diagnosed. What sould I do to divert my attention? What needs to be done to eliminate the redundant environment? I searched Google — “solo travel” is at the top list.

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I’ve read solo travel blogs for quite sometime, I haven’t tried it ever since because I know it is a daunting task. Then I tried. After gaining confidence, I went first to a nearby town. Feeling scared and anxious, I survived the first night. The next day, I felt enjoyment and excitement. Couple of months later, I escalated it by booking a flight within the country. Having a preparatory setting somehow removed the culture shock wave. Getting in and out of the country is such a pleasure. Don’t get me wrong, I am not rich. I work 5 days a week, save money and plan everything.

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It then followed one solo travel to the other. One flight every month. The feeling is addictive, getting novel experiences, talking to new people, posting perfect Instagram photos. It’s a relatively new progress. It is not absolute though. Just like your economical and statisticla graph, the element of euphoria can decline. I am now on my 4th year of doing this and it looks like I’m getting immuned with the feeling I first thrown at. (Immuned — pun intended). A state of loneliness, being alone and isolated has poured over. It is getting awkward. Maybe it is a down draft, but I have noticed the consistency from my previous trips.

The plan now is continue eveything. I have set a short bucketlist on where to go, what to do and what to eat. I will, for now, accept this down draft and test the waters. I’m doing this not just because I want to do it, but I’m in search of something.

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