Money Exchange

It was a flight from Manila to Kuala Lumpur. A regular flight procedure from checking in to boarding. Nothing fancy, I’m not expecting anything. I was just a bit anxious as it is a red-eye (late night) flight and going to my hotel may add some challenge.

Fancy thing happened right after plane took off, seat belt sign switched off. I’m by the window seat (15F) and the only passenger on the row. This guy seated in front of me (14D), suddently changed seats and went on the aisle of my row. My eagle eyes caught he was good looking, maybe around my age and seems like on a business trip.

Things started to get uneasy in the middle of the flight, I can see on my periphal vision that he’s quite tense. Trying to check on me. It was a long 4 hour red eye flight and all I wanted to do is take some rest, I didn’t mind all the fuss and I wasn’t that assuming to begin with.

Restless, I decided to watch a movie on my phone. But dang it, my earphones were left on my check in bag, up the cabin. Can’t really force myself to disturb anyone just to get a piece of earphones. So went on for a pee break, stretched myself up and went to my business. I left my passport open and my boarding pass dangling so he can see my name, I guess it didn’t work out.

Going back to my seat, I tried a little flirt act by squeezing myself between the seat and his legs while blatantly projecting my crotch right in front of his face.
Onto the flight, no nothing. But I can still sense something. Like he wants to start the talking or whatnot. I cannot initiate a talk, I’m not that kind of person.

When we landed in Kuala Lumpur and started to disembarked, he stood up, looked at me, collected his luggage, looked at me again and strut his way out of the door. That I know, there’s really something. I went out just to know that we will be bussed to the arrivals hall, so we separated ways. That I knew, it was a missed chance.

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At the arrivals hall, I settled in through immigration, had my checked in bag and was about to exchange some money for my bus to the city. While waiting at the money exchange counter, much to my surprise, he showed up and also wanted to exchange his money. You know, it wasn’t the only money exhange counter at the arrivals hall, there were 3 more, so maybe he really wanted to talk to me. But my inferiority came into scene and I was like a rock hard goat playing dead. Can’t utter something, I can’t even smile nor start a small talk. I was dead for like 3 minutes. He’s done, I’m done and trying to walk my way out for the bus stop. That’s the time I had courage to back, trail him down and just say anything. But unfortunately, he’s nowhere to be found. Imagine those movie cliches where you are in the middle of the airport, trying to look around while everyone else is fast paced, that was the exact moment I had.

One of the few many missed opportunities I had. ­čś»

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How To Get Away With HIV

This post is really about dating.

I’m watching a fairly new TV show, How To Get Away with Murder. After the first episode, it got me hooked up. I just learned about this like a couple of weeks ago, I’m not really into court drama thing but this one really hit me.

US TV series these days feature more gay/lesbian relationships, on-screen kissing and make out of the same gender. Which makes it more open minded and rather educating the audience more on how equal all of us can be.

But what really cuffed me are these characters named Connor and Oliver. Connor, a very good looking law intern this IT-nerd guy, Oliver at a bar and used him to gain information on a case he’s working with. They now constantly seeing each other favoring Connor. Oliver had a thought of them being partners, ditched by Connor, Oliver hooked up as he was hear-broken from Connor, they went back to dating. They took it to a higher note, both had tested for HIV, Connor being negative, Oliver as positive. Connor now is guilty since he thinks he’s the reason for all of this, yada yada yada.

Basically, it’s all very timely. Their story line make me excited. I guess, you have to try and watch it, you’ll appreciate it more.

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Which brings me to these questions.

For those PLHIV’s:

1. How do you assert someone, a potential date or partner, regarding your HIV status?
2. How do you respond to certain actions once you told them?

For those who’s non-seroconverts:

1. How do you react or return to someone one’s he surrendered his status?

I haven’t dated for a while, like almost a decade. No nothing, some meetups, hook ups, flings and flirts. But nothing serious. I see 3 reasons here: 1. My ultimate sheepishness/self-conscious/diffident demeanor 2. Perhaps being choosy and 3. Being HIV positive. I have addressed my choosyness, trying to correct my self-esteem but unable to secure my sero status.

To be honest, I almost have all dating apps on my phone. Grindr, Jack’d, Hornet, PlanetRomeo and Tinder Plus (lol). I’m not really a fan favorite, I just try to talk to those who initially message me first, which is like less than the number of endangered Rhinos in the wild. It makes me think to just stop using them.

For now, the main reason of me being apprehensive is because of the sero status. I picture myself in the situation where I have to reveal my sero status and my potential date rejects it. That’s always a case. Perhaps it is time to share some of the “encounters”.

To answer the questions above,

1. How do you assert someone, a potential date or partner, regarding your HIV status?

I just can’t. First, I don’t have a potential date to tell to. Second, I automatically fear rejection. I stay away from it.

2. How do you respond to certain actions once you told them?

I really don’t know, I haven’t been there. But If I do get rejected, it’s like shooting a 3-barrel shotgun through my chest.

Smart and Independent

Thank you for the realization Elite Daily.

The Smarter And More Independent You Are, The Harder It Is To Find Love

Smart people tend to over-analyze. You definitely know what you want. You sort out those people who you want to talk to, befriend with and set standards on who you wanna date with.

Independence makes disconnected to your partner. You can handle your own, solve problems by yourself. Basically, they can be on their own.

It’s a given situation. Not new and I’m not naive with this. I’ve been single for the longest time. I don’t know the exact reason why but maybe this is spot on. I’m overly independent, I just don’t know if you can qualify me as smart.

But what happens to a Smart and Independent af who has HIV? It will be way off harder to look for that long lasting love. Another criteria has to be met – look for someone who fully accepts your status and live with it.

This make me think of my next blog post…