Drifting Through The Wind

Quite honestly, if someone ask how am I doing?

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting through winds, wanting to start again?

Not sure if am still on my quarter-life crisis. But literally lost. Like I don’t know what to do and I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere.

Not happy with work and planning to resign soon. Not getting any younger and it suck to find a new niche and restart my professional being. Workmates are really fucking shit and it is getting worse day after day. With travel, the excitement is declining, staying most of the time in my room and not going out. Getting anxious in meeting new people and setting like a hermit crab hiding from civilization. Nothing good is happening, aside from the favorable viral test results, which of course I am thankful for.

They kept saying to think positvely. Well, not everyone can easily do that. Especially to a person who lost the desire to feel anything. I guess this is really depression kicking in.
I heard that you can set your passion as a guide if you were lost of some shit, having to quit photography, I have now the urge the come back and somewhat pursue it on a low level. Trying to restart again. Baby step reboot as I call it. I’m even thinking of relocating.

Currently, I’m in the same exact spot last year when I felt the same thing. Found this (a hot sauce container just nailed it)

Maybe it’s nevet too late to begin again. Perhaps the question is how. There’s always the feeling of regret. But it won’t do anything now. Keep moving forward and keep finding what will make me (us, you) happy.

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Undetectable

I was recently talking about my annual testing which includes viral load. Results were expected around 2nd week of September and to my surprise, it came out around 2.5 weeks after. I haven’t done viral load testing for a couple of years due to its tedious process, last number I know was around 300k units. Now, it’s in my favor – UNDETECTABLE. Last viral load test I did was 2014, not really sure how results went but what matters most is today.

I admit I have been skipping few doses of meds and thankfully, it worked. The only unfavorable part is my cholesterol and LDL levels, pretty easy to rectify but still, I need to change my diet and lifestyle. I haven’t had my cd4, I’ll figure that out later.