HIV and Suicidal Tendencies

The word *suicide* has been in the local news lately. From jumping of a metro train rail to poisoning oneself using silver cleaner to jumping of from a school building to the classic hanging oneself using a rope.

I don’t know what reasons they have but what I know for sure that they can no longer take whatever burden they are carrying. Most of these victims of pressure were the young adult bracket, when someone inexperienced came over a situation that’s beyond their capacity to comprehend then inner pressure builds up. If these I situations worsen and got piled up.. there’s no easy way of getting out but to end everything.

You can’t also blame one if they are unable to share what they are going through, it’s the dynamics of personality. Not all were raised the same way and at the same instance.

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I thought this year would be a rebound from last year’s. It’s not. I think it got worse.

From personal achievement failures to family related problems, they went on a single blow. This year went on a strike where I wanted to end it. With the these young souls that were lost, I know their life would be more meaningful than what I have. If only souls and life can be traded, I’d volunteer to do it.

As of the moment, I am ready to meet the scythe but I just don’t know how to do it. Sleep and music keeps me away from these thoughts but it’s not a long term solution.

I wish my brain and mind won’t work to much for me just to think blank.

To those who ended it, I wish your souls be at peace. To those who are waiting and wanted to end it, may our minds be blessed with light and wisdom.

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2010 is the worst

As I am writing this blog, rains from the clouds fall so as tears from my eyes..

It seemed that everybody is busy even the blog world guys, no recent and new posts lately.

The title is pretty straight forward. 2010 is the worst.

Every problem and burden were thrown all this year,

financial woes, some personal matters and being sero-converted. I know that I’m a strong person, I usually hurdle all of my problems by myself and I’m proud to say that I can really surpass them out.

Change is the only constant thing in this world, it seems that I can’t no longer handle things just the way I did before. As what I learned from the Empowerment seminar,

to lessen your burdens share them, take the risk of letting other know what you feel for they might help you out.

ok, share my problems and burdens, which I really normally don’t do.
I tried sharing them and yes, It helped but It’s still me… me, who can fix these things.

nasa diyos ang awa nasa tao ang gawa

now, I don’t know what to do.. Im tired of crying, my Lacrimal glands are numb na.

Im slowly giving up.. I can’t see any reason for me to hold on tight…

Russian Roulette

Russian Roulette – Rihanna

As my life flashes before my eyes
I’m wondering will I, ever see another sunrise?
So many won’t get the chance to say goodbye
But it’s too late to pick up the value of my life

I was alone in my post, working the whole day.. i decided to isolate myself
for the day so i can somehow escape from stress and tension.. I decided to play and listen on my ipod and stick to one song, Rihanna’s Russian Roulette.

It’s a pretty heavy song, i mean.. message of the song will strike it’s listeners.
Now, i add this to my favorites.

Russian roulette is a game wherein you put a single bullet on a revolver, point it on your head and try to fire it.. lucky if no bullet comes out. you’re dead if it does. scary game huh…

As the song runs, my burden lightens as my tears starts to drop..
yeah, i look stupid.. crying while working in front of a pc..
it took around 3 hours for me to settle down..

now, burden’s a bit lighter than before.. thanks to Rihanna. 😀

Ta!

My Pillow is too wet




I just can’t stop my eyes from tearing right now…


I’m crying a river. I don’t know why, maybe all the burdens, frustrations and disappointment since I was a child erupted all of a sudden.

From a famous Science law, For every action, there will be an equal or opposite reaction.
Like a gun, a finger must trigger for it to fire.


The week was pretty aloof with me, Weekend is not really getting me off.
Even my iPod can’t ease what i am feeling.. this is getting worse.



I’m a kind of guy who doesn’t really say “i’m sorry” and “please” and maybe that’s what makes
my strong personality. So when somebody heard it from me, rest assured I mean it.. but when it comes to a point that these words are mistreated, Simply… no more “sorries” and “pleases”.
been crying for 2hours… and it’s heavy, im just keeping it silent so no one can hear my rumble.
even Lady GaGa’s Bad Romance can’t stop me….



From this depression am having, i thought of confessing my status with one of my ex’s whom i saw online in ym, i told him everything.. everything went like a beach of tears. after a bit of talk,

“I’ll commit myself in helping you…”

a pound of hard relief rushed through my virus filled veins, which I’ve been longing for..

tomorrow, a good crepe and movie is up.
good luck with puffy eyes.
Sorry, I’m just too Vulnerable.