Just for a moment

Last Saturday, I went to San Juan to shop for something that serves as a self reward and recognition program. I decided to drop by to another nearby mall to have a delightful dinner.. I’m just alone. Afterwards, somebody approached me and to my surprise, a long time friend of mine. Actually, were FB’s before. You know what FB is. 

We were having this no-strings-attached-intimate sexual relationship, roughly 5 years ago, that last for several months. This was a very rare instance on my part. Perhaps, we were both into each other. He likes me very much, and so do I. I wont go into detail of how he looks like but cutting short, he’s one heck of an ideal guy for me. He started out telling me if we can step up the ladder and have a relationship. This never came into my mind since I know for the fact that we were just FB’s and if ever we go one notch higher, it will surely wont work well… Since we started out as FB’s. That’s how I value the onset of a relationship, I always tend to evaluate what we are during the start and connote that to the extent of the succeeding relationship, if there are any. 

Our line of communication was cut, I can’t remember why. But I know he relocated to another city and we changed our numbers, which was our only means of talking. Four years have passed, we unexpectedly bumped into each other again but in a not so good situation, I was with my friends and he was with his. We had the chance to exchange numbers again and made chit chat and catch up over the phone. 

And that Saturday was really Endorphin inducing, that instant and unexpected meet up turned date we had was really surreal. I never felt it for the longest time. How I wish this can go further and further.

He still looks good, He still likes me. He still have the urge to continue what was left. I wanted it, I think this time I am ready… but, I’m now sero-converted. Another instance of regret and shame. 

Heart-breaking. Depressing.
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Globe Trotter Teenage Dream

What will you do if someone seems to giving his best foot forward in an exaggerated way?

I’m a detailed type of person so when someone said this and that even when said online, I can remember every detail of it.

Met this guy over online and we were chatting over phone endlessly. Talked about the past and the usual get to know. We decided to meet over the weekend to get along.

Before parting ways, we had some talk over coffee knowing each other more.

As the talk goes a long way, I can now feel some inconsistencies and this instinct that what ever comes out of his mouth is no longer genuine. It was like sensational.

One instance was when he was talking about his ex, they were like chasing each other at different parts of the globe. Like what JLO said on her song – Brazil, Morocco, London to Ibiza, straight to LA, New York, Vegas to Africa.

Hmmm, I don’t know if I were to believe but what matters most is how surreal you are saying. Of course, let’s give the benefit of the doubt…

After we met and parted ways, we no longer have communication. Maybe he’s superficial too.. I really don’t know.

Mr False Teenage Dream

It was a normal weekend, I scheduled myself to see Dra. G of Makati Med for the nth because I saw a tint of blood on my sputum, out of panic and freak out am having thoughts of this might be the dreaded tuberculosis. Still confused of the symptoms since I don’t experience any fevers, chills nor sudden weight loss. Before I meet the doctor there was this patient who so skinny, wearing mask, unhealthy skin and aura. Out of curiosity I tried to sneak what he’s up to. My excellent 20-20 vision – can even see 8pt font size from meters away, saw his prescription paper saying Lamivudine + Zidovudine with Dra. G’s familiar handwriting.. Ok, no need to ask.. He’s positive to, I think he’s just new to this world. 
I met Dra. G and hurriedly ask for another series of tests to confirm what’s going on, she requested – AFB smear and PTB sensitivity and culture. I went to the Pathology lab and had day 1 of 2 of sptum collection, its not that easy to collect sputum and the whole test costs around 7.5 pesos. Quite expensive, good thing I have this medical insurance. 
Right after I finish my hospital obligations, an sms was received from this guy. Let’s call him Mr. Teenage dream. Giving a brief background, we met through this gay social site. I did a photo shoot of him unaware that we already chatted. He’s taller than I do – 6ft. 2 inches more than mine, I admit he’s cute and sweet, have a great physique, and from that point in time I know he’s a good guy — a teenage dream. 
We decided to meet somewhere halfway between the hospital and his pad, took the cab and went to a nearby mall for a dinner and movie date. As expected, he was sweet during the movie screening, touching and holding my hand, doing some laughing matters and yada yada yada. I loosen up and stopped my stiffness and went to the flow. We dined somewhere and continued the sensible chit chat. We were smiling and laughing the whole night and it felt good. Maybe it was one the handful moments that you can see me smile. 
He’s naughty and had this double entendre dialogues. Which I find it unusual, so am having this impression of he’s just another guy from that gay social site. we went to his pad – which I also expected, a sex date. It’s not new. Of course I had this doubt, I don’t wanna be guilty of spreading my lifetime award. I set my mind not to do penetration and play it extra safe. The moment we went inside his pad, the action begins. I don’t know if he’s that horny, wants to sex with me, or excited of doing so or what. Shortly, he planned to penetrate me with his enormous tool – no rubber on it. My mind clicked and said no, don’t do that I might bleed. But to his excitement he continues and insisted. I was bluffing it around that he made it, but not. I didn’t allow him to enter.  He was so persistent and attempted to do it more than 6x or so. Of course I won’t allow it. But all of a sudden he grabbed his poppers, I know what’s that for – meant to relax your muscles especially your behind. He let me sniff two times, one with the other. It was my first time to try it and it was like sniffing acetone or a menthol candy. then he tried to enter again, the poppers seem ineffective and my consciousness was still alive, I insisted that it was already hurting and not to do it anymore.. His excitement was still on and grabbed the poppers again and we sniffed. My body was like immune to it and it got no effect. I stopped the action and went to the comfort room as I felt a stinging sensation. And yeah it was bleeding. I sat quietly like and felt anger. No penetration was made so I think everything is still fine. 
I was totally turned off. I just sat quietly and never spoke. I just wanna go home. It felt that I was forced with this. It was planned but I didn’t expect this to happen. He was so apologetic. I quietly accepted it and after a couple hours, decided to go home.
With that couple of hours, it seemed nothing happened. I took the chance of observing his actions. He’s just the same as others. That poppers alone already showed it. No need for rocket science. Still a good guy – best foot forward. Went home and now wondering what to do with this wound, it hurts but it’s tolerable.
Am just sad why this thing happened to me, I know it was planned but never thought like this disastrous. Now he doesn’t ring my phone. Who cares, maybe I won’t see him again. He and his poppers. Gamitin na lang nya sa iba yun.
By the way, I got the AFB smear result: negative for acid fast bacilli, culture and sensitivity to follow – after 6 weeks.

More than a 3rd wheel

I went on an eyeball-date from a guy I met in Planet Romeo, we were exchanging sms for the past 1 week, almost every hour and every minute… how enthusiastic, right?

He then decided to meet on our common free time, Weekend. The time and day came, we were about to meet around dinner time. Prior to that, he asked if we can watch a movie.. why not! We then watched a movie and then kicked our asses to a resto for a dinner.

Lucky13 even saw me and urgently called to let me know that i’m such a snob passing him by.
He made me laugh when he said to continue my dinner date with this fugly guy. Well, I admit it.. I think I was a victim of photo manipulation and deceived with so perfect poses. Not really a big thing, I’m already here and I got nothing to lose, so just stay and be nice … Still.

Minutes after, he asked..

“Is it ok that a friend of mine will join us?”

..I was in the state of shock, I asked myself.. why? Ok, then be it.. Let your friend join us.

Let us call this friend of his as GUY X.

GUY X arrived.. he damn cute. cute based on my subjective mind. Chinito, average height, I think he’s into gym since he has nice biceps and pecs and wears glasses. Jaw dropping indeed.

Using my peripheral vision, I try to stare at him and he’s becoming familiar.. I know this guy. I saw him somewhere. I just don’t know where.. Listening to stories and get-to-know questions revealed the answer, he’s a former colleague. Shocks, Just like what I thought the moment I first saw him, He’s gay. Ok, glaciers of ice were broken.. Natural flow of conversation came up. We were enjoying the dinner and it seems that there’s no more awkwardness..

It was a turn off for my date though. Why the hell he did that? Prior to that, he was so busy texting.. maybe I am not his type. Well, to begin with I don’t like him too. QUITS.

Done with dinner and off to the nearest coffee shop. Settled down and ordered some hot drink to let our tummy calm down, Minutes later… He called in another friend, GUY Y. He was a bit tall, cute and of light aura. He’s nice.

We were on the table making stories and getting to know each other when another friend came by.. GUY Z! fuck this crap… this is getting really awkward. To be brutally honest, I’m one of the most challenged person when it comes to this certain situation. I am not really a socially inclined person. I just sit down, keep quiet and observe.. GUY Z is quite overwhelming which made the awkwardness really severe. what I can say is that they were nice, they did not let me be out of place.. but still, I was really caught off guarded. Well another lesson learned. Not really though, it isn’t my first time.. Hindi na ko natuto.

We parted ways and for sure, they’re talking about me. Who cares.

Ta!

I’m a gamer

It’s weekend and I promised to treat myself after some stressful events, works and compromises. I went to see one of my favorite movies, Resident Evil: Afterlife. I waited for 2 years just to see this film, I remember way back 2002 roughly 8 years ago, when I was still non-reactive, I used to be a gamer, yes, a gamer, not fooling around but a game freak. A playstation guy. Timezone freak.

A sumptuous fireworks dinner along San Miguel by the Bay opened the night for me. A large, more than a quarter pound rib from Friday’s bought my tummy. Speaking of Friday’s, I have a new crush. It’s one of their waiters.. He’s so cute, the chinito look over toned and mestizo look. Aw! he’s more delicioso than what I am eating. He doesn’t have a name tag so I don’t know his name.. but being persevere, despite of a loud boom box beside me, I heard the manager called him.. haha, his J – just like a name of a saint. hmmmm.. :)) I’m looking forward for another Friday’s pig out, good thing I have a frequent visitor card. 🙂

I was by myself and fate is really giving me a sight of what is having a boyfriend is.. for that night only, I saw 3 pairs of guys holding hands together. Though it may sound like a taboo here in the country, hey they’re still doing it in public. hmmm.. ganun? well, I saw a bunch of dating bf’s. I even saw my former classmate with his boyfriend, and to my surprise.. his boyfriend is the one whom I mentioned in my previous post, the guy who saw me somewhere and added me to his facebook and saw that he’s in a relationship. damn. haha

As a normal rational being, being alone began to sink in.. but that’s ok. anyone in this world will surely feel that they are.

Anyway. The night was so-so.

Ta.

Right or Wrong time

Sunday. I hate it. You know for a fact that when you wake up the next day.. Monday.
It’s time for work, 2 days is not really enough for me. Maybe I’m getting to used with what I am doing. It’s too monotonous. I need to add color to it.

I met someone over the cyberspace. Well, we didn’t meet yet. The odd thing about it is, we’re officemates. He calls every now and then. I haven’t seen his physical appearance but based on the photos he sent me, i think he looks cute and decent. Braces guy, small earring. He i go again, attaching myself to someone and when the time comes, it’s me who losses. We’re still on the talking+getting to know phase.

The catch here is, ok fine. Maybe we’re on to each other but what will happen if I confess to him my sero-status. What will he do if he found out that i’m HIV positive. Geesh. 2 things might happen, or will surely happen.

1. You and Me against the world (the dreaded Magnetic relationship) again… but this time, I made sure that I’m not an option.

or

2. Scram! go away..

Number 2 is the risk, number 1 is the happy side of it.

Just like what i said, I’ll hold on to my philosophy.

I’d rather cry every night than to be on an irrational relationship.
I’ll never be a desperate retard.

Nifty Date

Sunday. A regular family day for some, but for me.. it’s my day.
Well, not my birthday. But a day to date myself out.

The original plan was to get out of the boring house early so I can set a movie marathon. more than 1 is already considered marathon ok? Last week I hit 2 in one day.

The rain fell hard so I need to push the time and wait while surfing the web.
2 hours delayed.. That’s already one movie.

A date with myself began when I bought some school things.. pens and papers.
The movie I planned to watch will be shown at 8pm and I’m done with the bookstore by 630pm, so I have ample to time to do my stuffs.

Bought a new hair styling was and great food trip filled the gap and was so enjoyable. It was a long time since I did this.

1. a hotdog + mushroom + mozzarella cheese + mayo stuffed crepe.
2. banana split ice cream.
3. more than what you can eat fire floss.

Went on watching the people pass by. Stare at the cute guys and listen to my iPod.

Movie time was great but not my freaking seat mates who were so noisy murmuring the story line. The rain stopped just in time for me to go home..

It was such a feather-light experience. It’s been a long time since I did this. I miss doing this.