Love in the Time of Diarrhea

Not unknown to RITM-ARG patients about the empowerment training they conduct to recently diagnosed patients. It gives you some psychological activities to help you with your diagnosis. Similar to a counselling activity but on a much conducive way. You are pooled to join a single weekend-long activity, thus the probability of meeting new friends is very likely.

I once dated a guy from the only empowerment activity I attended to. It wasn’t really a planned dating scheme, we were both vulnerable that time.

His CD4 count was way low, a single digit count. Can be considered an AIDS case. He was on Azithromycin and Co-Trimaxazole prophylaxis, got rashes all over, pretty much an overly obvious HIV patient. He, that time, has an ongoing opportunistic infection that causes diarrhea. Long term diarrhea. He mentioned he has it for like 6 months, and coz of that, he was very thin, sick looking guy. His case didn’t really bother me in dating him.

He showed me a some of his photos. A big difference of what he was before and the time he’s suffering from that diarrhea.

Just like any other dates, it was a normal one. There’s no wall between us that I’m a healthy HIV patient and he’s not. We go out mostly on weekends, went to some gay parties, met some of his friends, he met some of mine. I even brought him home to sleep over – which I rarely do to a guy.

Eventually everything starts to slow down. He was a bum that time, got no work. He’s unable to get a job due to his ongoing sickness and he only depends on how much his family can give him. So meeting up with him on a weekly basis starts to decline. If we ever do meet, the price for me is really expensive since I have to shoulder him.

I encourage and put my efforts on helping him land a job. I even tried referring him to my company that time. But his persistency is not as high as I want him to have a job. It wasn’t for us, but it was for him.

His attitude slowly came up as being immature and we always had fights and weird arguements. We manage to survive a couple more months but it became unhealthy.

I then decided to call it quits. I need to let go of the struggle and loosen the bottleneck. I know it will be healthier for us and maybe he can concentrate further on improving his health. We ended up quarreling before ending it up.

Years after, he added me up on Facebook trying to stay in touch. His health has improved a lot and cured from his OI. We lost contact after.

Now, I tried looking for profile and saw he’s gone out working in a different country. He’s happy with his boyfriend, got a new car, looks healthy andof course no more diarrhea.

I know I made the right choice calling our so called “dating” quits. He stood back up on his feet, rebuilt his health and now successful and happy. Definitely no regrets, I’m actually happy for him. I remember those days where he rushes to the toilet.


Globe Trotter Teenage Dream

What will you do if someone seems to giving his best foot forward in an exaggerated way?

I’m a detailed type of person so when someone said this and that even when said online, I can remember every detail of it.

Met this guy over online and we were chatting over phone endlessly. Talked about the past and the usual get to know. We decided to meet over the weekend to get along.

Before parting ways, we had some talk over coffee knowing each other more.

As the talk goes a long way, I can now feel some inconsistencies and this instinct that what ever comes out of his mouth is no longer genuine. It was like sensational.

One instance was when he was talking about his ex, they were like chasing each other at different parts of the globe. Like what JLO said on her song – Brazil, Morocco, London to Ibiza, straight to LA, New York, Vegas to Africa.

Hmmm, I don’t know if I were to believe but what matters most is how surreal you are saying. Of course, let’s give the benefit of the doubt…

After we met and parted ways, we no longer have communication. Maybe he’s superficial too.. I really don’t know.

Divine Teenage Dream

To make it clear, Teenage Dream is like a date.. just like how Katy Perry sang the song. Ok? This is the 2nd time I mentioned Teenage Dream, so get used to it moving forward. 🙂

First series of my dating experience or to make it subtle – meeting experience.

I met this guy over Planetromeo through my poz account. He messaged me and instantly asked to meet. Of course I don’t easily trust people over the said site especially if my profile is blatant of my sero status. I asked for evidence to prove whether he is really one – he provided none.

So I was really doubtful of this guy. But his persistence made me talk to him more. We exchanged photos using Facebook and he looks good. Tall, chinito and with a good body – ok, maybe this is another superficial guy.

Still doubtful, he was really that persistent to have a meet and greet. Chasing a free weekend, it was hilarious that I was the one who asked him to meet. He said yes and he was the one who decided for the place of meet up – his pad.

What I saw was what I got.

He admitted that he was into pnp and substance abuse. Inviting guys over his pad and do sex while enjoying drugs and there was an abrupt change from being so to a religious kind of person. He’s now into the more side of faith.

When we talk about faith, god, end of the world, illuminati etc. It’s a never ending cycle of talk., discussions and debates. And that’s what we did. Every time we meet, there goes the never ending talk. Really stressful on both ends, we both argue endlessly.

One of his ‘divine’ mission was to change how I feel and spread his word from faith. That’s quite a challenge for me. It’s really annoying when someone is trying to change one’s faith, we have our own and one should respect it.

In a nutshell, we didn’t click. I liked him and he liked me but talking about faith and religion? Nah.

Oh well, I hope he’s not hiding under the cloak of goodness to cover his dark acts of drug usage and pnp’s. Am gonna bet that he’s doing it again.

One lesson learned from him was – Always show kindness to others, and am thankful to that.

On dating and beyond

Been into dates the past months – it didn’t work well. Or should I say, I never worked out.
Eye opener:
Regardless if you’re HIV free or acquired it, dating and relationships will still be dependent on you and the other party. 
I thought dating a comrade of the same sero-status will give an assurance that everything will work fine – It’s not.
Scene 1:
Dating someone who’s negative (assuming) is quite a challenge, all is well.. you act normal as if you don’t have any condition, date for a couple of weeks or months, being attached emotionally, you confess your status, he (your date) was in shock, eventually he refused and now… you’re depressed and rejected. 
Scene 2: 
You met a co-sero positive guy, decided to meet, dated for while, he doesn’t like you or I don’t like him and the dating stop. No communication after. Superficiality can come to anyone. 
Scene 3: 
You met a co-sero positive guy, date for a while, it went well, you like each other and voila! happily ever after.
Scene 4:
You met this negative guy (assuming), dated for a while, you like him and he likes you, you confess your sero-status, he chose to be with you (lucky you) and go happily ever after.
Experienced scene 2, two months in a row, and it might go to 3 peat. I’ll make entries for each of them.

Mr False Teenage Dream

It was a normal weekend, I scheduled myself to see Dra. G of Makati Med for the nth because I saw a tint of blood on my sputum, out of panic and freak out am having thoughts of this might be the dreaded tuberculosis. Still confused of the symptoms since I don’t experience any fevers, chills nor sudden weight loss. Before I meet the doctor there was this patient who so skinny, wearing mask, unhealthy skin and aura. Out of curiosity I tried to sneak what he’s up to. My excellent 20-20 vision – can even see 8pt font size from meters away, saw his prescription paper saying Lamivudine + Zidovudine with Dra. G’s familiar handwriting.. Ok, no need to ask.. He’s positive to, I think he’s just new to this world. 
I met Dra. G and hurriedly ask for another series of tests to confirm what’s going on, she requested – AFB smear and PTB sensitivity and culture. I went to the Pathology lab and had day 1 of 2 of sptum collection, its not that easy to collect sputum and the whole test costs around 7.5 pesos. Quite expensive, good thing I have this medical insurance. 
Right after I finish my hospital obligations, an sms was received from this guy. Let’s call him Mr. Teenage dream. Giving a brief background, we met through this gay social site. I did a photo shoot of him unaware that we already chatted. He’s taller than I do – 6ft. 2 inches more than mine, I admit he’s cute and sweet, have a great physique, and from that point in time I know he’s a good guy — a teenage dream. 
We decided to meet somewhere halfway between the hospital and his pad, took the cab and went to a nearby mall for a dinner and movie date. As expected, he was sweet during the movie screening, touching and holding my hand, doing some laughing matters and yada yada yada. I loosen up and stopped my stiffness and went to the flow. We dined somewhere and continued the sensible chit chat. We were smiling and laughing the whole night and it felt good. Maybe it was one the handful moments that you can see me smile. 
He’s naughty and had this double entendre dialogues. Which I find it unusual, so am having this impression of he’s just another guy from that gay social site. we went to his pad – which I also expected, a sex date. It’s not new. Of course I had this doubt, I don’t wanna be guilty of spreading my lifetime award. I set my mind not to do penetration and play it extra safe. The moment we went inside his pad, the action begins. I don’t know if he’s that horny, wants to sex with me, or excited of doing so or what. Shortly, he planned to penetrate me with his enormous tool – no rubber on it. My mind clicked and said no, don’t do that I might bleed. But to his excitement he continues and insisted. I was bluffing it around that he made it, but not. I didn’t allow him to enter.  He was so persistent and attempted to do it more than 6x or so. Of course I won’t allow it. But all of a sudden he grabbed his poppers, I know what’s that for – meant to relax your muscles especially your behind. He let me sniff two times, one with the other. It was my first time to try it and it was like sniffing acetone or a menthol candy. then he tried to enter again, the poppers seem ineffective and my consciousness was still alive, I insisted that it was already hurting and not to do it anymore.. His excitement was still on and grabbed the poppers again and we sniffed. My body was like immune to it and it got no effect. I stopped the action and went to the comfort room as I felt a stinging sensation. And yeah it was bleeding. I sat quietly like and felt anger. No penetration was made so I think everything is still fine. 
I was totally turned off. I just sat quietly and never spoke. I just wanna go home. It felt that I was forced with this. It was planned but I didn’t expect this to happen. He was so apologetic. I quietly accepted it and after a couple hours, decided to go home.
With that couple of hours, it seemed nothing happened. I took the chance of observing his actions. He’s just the same as others. That poppers alone already showed it. No need for rocket science. Still a good guy – best foot forward. Went home and now wondering what to do with this wound, it hurts but it’s tolerable.
Am just sad why this thing happened to me, I know it was planned but never thought like this disastrous. Now he doesn’t ring my phone. Who cares, maybe I won’t see him again. He and his poppers. Gamitin na lang nya sa iba yun.
By the way, I got the AFB smear result: negative for acid fast bacilli, culture and sensitivity to follow – after 6 weeks.

Testing the Waters

Me and M, the spark guy, met for the second time..

Wednesday. He went to RITM for a skin rash check and Efavirenz prescription, since he’s not really into NVP. He stayed a bit longer in the lounge and went to my office for dinner. We only got 1 hr so we maximized our time, he asked me if he can stay overnight.. I don’t know for what reason, but I said yes. I gathered all my possible palusots with my mom since I’ll be bringing home a stranger. He waited for me in the office lounge for 4 hours and there you go..

4 hours? Oh my.. I can’t do that, San Pablo to Alabang then to Makati? I really appreciate that effort!

We agreed to walk from RCBC tower to EDSA Ayala, this way we can spend more time on chit chatting and knowing each other.

Rode the bus, the infamous habal-habal and finally got home. I introduced him to my mom as my officemate. Prepared stuffs, bought some foods and went for another round of chit chat.

Time passed by and Of course, 2 guys in a room?? What do you expect.. we did something kinky. He’s kinda rough and thirsty for some hot action, as we are doing it, it crossed my mind that it seems that this guy only wants sex and after this, wala na. A totally different feeling for me. Well, it’s our 2nd meet and we had sex… What’s new? He was the 2nd guy maliban sa ex ko na dinala ko sa bahay and did it.
I really felt that I was treated as an seb.

Ok, it turned the round table for me.. Iba talaga eh. We slept together and had brunch and he decided to drop me off sa office. We parted ways.

We’re still exchanging messages and talking over the phone so maybe it’s a sign na mali yung nasa isip ko. But then again, the feeling changed a bit. Maybe I’m just thinking too deep and raw for me to conclude something, but for now im still testing the waters. Maybe things are going too fast and i am overwhelmed of what is happening, i’ll let this sit for now and start to wait what might happen next.

Our next meet is on Saturday, he and his friends are inviting me for the upcoming white party in Malate. It’s my first time so i’ll to wait for new things.