HIV and Suicidal Tendencies

The word *suicide* has been in the local news lately. From jumping of a metro train rail to poisoning oneself using silver cleaner to jumping of from a school building to the classic hanging oneself using a rope.

I don’t know what reasons they have but what I know for sure that they can no longer take whatever burden they are carrying. Most of these victims of pressure were the young adult bracket, when someone inexperienced came over a situation that’s beyond their capacity to comprehend then inner pressure builds up. If these I situations worsen and got piled up.. there’s no easy way of getting out but to end everything.

You can’t also blame one if they are unable to share what they are going through, it’s the dynamics of personality. Not all were raised the same way and at the same instance.


I thought this year would be a rebound from last year’s. It’s not. I think it got worse.

From personal achievement failures to family related problems, they went on a single blow. This year went on a strike where I wanted to end it. With the these young souls that were lost, I know their life would be more meaningful than what I have. If only souls and life can be traded, I’d volunteer to do it.

As of the moment, I am ready to meet the scythe but I just don’t know how to do it. Sleep and music keeps me away from these thoughts but it’s not a long term solution.

I wish my brain and mind won’t work to much for me just to think blank.

To those who ended it, I wish your souls be at peace. To those who are waiting and wanted to end it, may our minds be blessed with light and wisdom.

The Smell of Cadaverine

Cadaverine or pentamethylenediamine, the organic compound responsible for the smell of rotten flesh. Produced by protein hydrolysis during the process of putrefaction or decomposition of animal proteins.
A couple of days back, I had a vivid dream.. An odd one. I dreamed of my death. It was a first-person vision of a dream. I was dead and was about to be buried on the school quadrangle. I was all over the news and the cause of my death was AIDS. I went back to the world crying, tears running through my eyes and pillow. From then forward.. I can no longer sleep.
When I got the chance to go online, I search the meaning/s of dreaming one’s death. Most of them said that It’s a sign that a phase in one’s life is soon gonna end and should start anew. One needs to end something and let it go…
Until now I’m still contemplating what the dream implies. What should I let go? or What will end and needs to begin?