Two weeks ago, just in time for the World AIDS Day celebration, it suddenly came into my mind to disclose my status to one of my ex. When I was having my CD4 test like 3 weeks ago, it popped my topsy-turvy mind that I need someone to be a confidant or someone to talk to regarding this (as suggested by Ate Ellen) and I thought of my ex. The reason is, I trust him more than anyone else. I know it has been more than 5 years since we parted ways but the trust is still there and cannot be undone.

Days like this I want to talk to someone and have a reliable shoulder to lean on so why not try.

Right that very moment I sent an sms asking us to meet over the weekend for some coffee and dinner. He asked why and what for, I told him just to come and we will be talking something serious about myself. 

I still have a week to gain confidence and was thinking of how to do it. 

The weekend came and was waiting from him to remind me that we are about to meet. No sms nor call.. no nothing from him. Sunday has passed and still, I was like a spider waiting for a damsel fly.

I asked a poz friend on how to deal with this, I asked whether if we can just talk over the phone or exchange messages. My friend told me not to – “you won’t see his reactions once you disclosed your status” True enough.

I decided not to push through with it, perhaps my ex is not the best person to disclose my status. I am waiting for something from him that will make him a deserving guy to further give my trust to – ASSERTION.

Post Seminar Period

The Self-Empowerment seminar was really fun, i got the chance of meeting new good friends and ease my longing burden regarding the condition. I was even trying to back out when I knew Becky wouldn’t come.. Courage really pays.

I can’t say that I am already empowered just the day after the seminar, there are still a lot of realization to make. The seminar was an eye opener for me and it really gave me the opportunity to see things differently.

The fun part of the seminar was about the personal introduction and the dear friend part. Tears were also shed but not too much as what I expected. The mixture of dynamics of the team made the experience a perfect one, there’s the funny and loud type, the matured ones, the suplados, the kiddy jugglers, the reseverved ones, the smart and witty and almost everything you can think of. You would know who can be of a long term friend and who’s not, but regardless.. it was fun!

Disclosure was one of the most tackled issue on the seminar. You take the risk of disclosing everything for you to gain either love or hate.. Basically that’s it.

And because of that, I decided to spill my condition to an ex-date of mine. Last night he texted me after he got my number attached in my message for him in a personal website. I can say na bati na kami since i felt the his warm welcome of a new friendship. At first I was really hesistant and awkward of spilling the bean, i went along the bushes and got lots of uhm’s, ahh’s’ and eh’s.. He now knows, and he’ relaxed. It was a pretty straight forward conversation, i know he’s intelligent and he would understand everything.. He did! He was even grateful coz i let him realize my condition now. But after a while he’s not talking to me anymore.. Maybe it’s a two-faced risk for me.. None the less, i did my part.

What’s in store for me after the seminar? Im not sure… I can’t tell, i would know when i cross the bridge and get there.