HIV and ARV adherence

Thia is my 3rd year of being HIV positive. I got my first ARV – lamivudine, zidovudine and nevirapine, I got excited coz I know these are life savers. I had the chance to switch to Efavirenz as opposed to Nevirapine due to side effects. It took me more than a year to cope with EFV’s neuro-psychological effects. As of the moment, I can pretty say I can manage whatever EFV is to throw. I can even do my travels while being ‘high’ with Efavirenz.

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The first 2 years of my medicine intake, 100% adherence rate. Thankful as my CD4 level went up the hill to its current 710 mark. But this 3rd year is quite different, I no longer excited to take my medicines, alarms and notifications are slowly degrading my on time performance. There was even a month where I missed 3-4 doses. Hype is no longer with me.

I feel weak, depressed and ‘purpose-less’.

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The Chemistry ZeitGUYst III

This should have been 2, I wasn’t able to post one last 2011.

I have to say, 2012 was not my year. Started out failures early January, continued February and so on. Depression was the main killer of the year. Several mishaps happened and I wasn’t mature enough on how to handle them.
This year’s highlights, certain and uncertain.
1. My job anxiety. Early January, I transferred to the business corporate world. I had a hard time adjusting to the environment. It created a massive anxiety on my end and after 6 months of “not being happy”, I decided to be in the IT world. With regard to work, so far so good.

2. A year of isolation. Perhaps the main contributor to my depression is isolating myself from the outside world. Did things like going out on a movie, coffee, playing console games and other stuff (being on routine) alone. 

3. Last year 2011, I was diagnosed with anemia due to ARV’s – Combivir. Hemoglobin count returned to normal.

4. Mid year of 2012, my CD4 dropped tremendously to from 610 to 406. I have no idea how it happened or what’s the cause of it but later on it went back more than expected. Latest CD4 count is 710 units. No viral load tests since it will be done mid 2013, but VL is around 84 units.

5. Lady Gaga’s Born This Way ball was truly a blast. Really enjoyed the night and got the chance to meet an old college crush. Thankful it all happened.

6. Quarter-life crisis. How I assess why a big chunk of my depression is still intact.
Weighing up the instances of 2012, indeed it wasn’t that good. Major depressing events happened and was out of control.

End of the year was an eye opener of who can I trust with and act more maturely. These tested my stimulants and now learned something out of it.

I wish for 2013: peace of mind, more mature being and better decision making choices.

To all The Chemistry Guy blog readers, 2012 has passed – whether good or bad. Chances are are as good as changes. Hope you will have a good new year ahead. 🙂

A risk postulate

I engaged myself into the dating scene last month which didn’t work well. I have heard that this guy (link) just ended his premature relationship… and the reason is me. I don’t know how to understand and comprehend the meaning of this but why the hell I am involved with this?

When I learned over Facebook that my [ex] date changed his status to “in a relationship”.. I said “whoa, that was fast.. we just dated 2 weeks ago and now he has a bf – I know this is a premature engagement and it will end sooner than expected” and it did.

Now, he’s claiming me back.. trying to apologize for not waiting and being impatient for not breaking my shell. Yes, I admit that I impose a hard shell to break. I don’t typically show my weak point/s to any human entities. I am the opposite of vulnerability. An oyster with a hard shell, needs effort to open and see the pearl (melodramatic).

Now,  he’s like messaging me from every channel he could. From Facebook, to Viber or whatever that may come in handy.

I have set things straight, I told him I’m not your fall back guy. Not an option to be taken for granted. I just don’t know if he’ll accept it whole-heatedly or still be the persistent fly to roam around me.

One thing is for sure, I would no longer date him. We can go out, but as buddies. No more, no less.

Besides, he doesn’t know my sero-status. What could be the worse thing that can happen?

In relation to this, I have some postulates – assumptions or whatever you call it.

The Risk postulate
I am an HIV-positive guy, opened my doors to date another guy (assuming he’s negative), went out together for some time, feelings are now on the steady state then admitted my status… he declined and ran away. It’s pretty hard to find and date guys whose minds are as wide as an airport runway. Many have told, if you are to disclose your status to a guy, don’t do it immediately. Let the connection between you build up before letting it all out.

I have experienced a couple who deemed to show whether they can accept my status or not. I have mentioned in a blog post, perhaps 2 years ago, I asked this guy about the “non-negotiable” factors or traits for a future relationship.. he said, “he must be HIV negative”. Ok… PASS.

This is getting into a trend. I won’t take a risk.

I’m not really talking about “in general”, there are still some guys who are really open minded – those educated bitches who know how to accept and understand the scenario. I know some HIV-positive friends who engage into magnetic or sero-discordant relationships. I’m just wondering – “WHERE THE HELL DO THEY FIND THESE GUYS?!”

Latest CD4 count

Visited Research Institute for Tropical Medicine last Friday for medicine refill and CD4 testing. Been a long time since I last went here. I came in very early at 6:45 am for CD4 testing. They recently changed the cut-off time for blood extraction to 7am-8am only. At this early, I’m already on the 9th spot from the line. The process changed and improved a bit from the previous topsy turvy scene. Their process is more effective but less efficient. It took me roughly 8 hours waiting in vain. CD4 results are released within the day, in most cases 11am, after lunch otherwise. Since I am about to refill, they told me to wait for the doctor since she will be the one providing the prescription. You will encounter a very long and pain-on-the-ass wait. I’m gonna to another post about the crucial wait-for-results experience.


So far, I’m thankful for the result. In time for Thanksgiving day. 

From 406 units of CD4, it went up to 710 units.

This, perhaps, is one of the reason to be happy. Somehow, still thankful.

And oh by the way, I’m trying to resurface again. Struggling, but trying.

Follow me on Twitter @tcghiv

Turn me off

Well. We all have one or maybe even several right? It would depend on our history of dating and wants. Let’s try to sort it

out.. I’m not being superficial but these are just the collective and integrated means of my gayhood. 🙂

In random order.

1. A guy who doesn’t know what he wants.
Scenario. Let’s say on a first date.

Me: Where do you wanna eat? Pizza, Pasta, rice or anything you have in mind?
Him: it’s up to you.
Me: …. like where???
Him: anywhere? Where do you want?

To my mind, Me: I’m asking you then you’re asking me… Ditched!

– It shows immaturity. Indecisiveness. Poor decision making. Giving the benefit of the doubt, maybe he’s just concerned on

me being choosy where to eat. But hello! That’s why I’m asking so we could have a mutual decision. Right?

2. A guy who’s too cheesy when in fact we met online.
Scenario. We chatted online and exchanged numbers.

Day1, the usual conversation and getting to know questions.
Day2, talk talk and talk. The whole day.
Day3, Now he’s throwing messages like…
“i miss you”, “im happy talking to you”, “i think im falling for you” and the like..

It shows unstable emotions. Easily gets bored on something.
Benefit of the doubt: Infatuation perhaps? that’s too much, we haven’t met yet then you’re acting such? hmmm.. not really

my thing.

3. The free rider.
Scenario. On a first time date.

Him: Which movie do you like to watch? A or B?
Me: I haven’t seen A!!! I saw B last week and it’s not really good.
Him: Ok! Your treat eh?!

Ditched. Hay. User. Blood sucker.
Benefit of the doubt: Maybe he’s testing the waters.

4. The Beautiful Liar.
Scenario. On Succeeding dates.

Me: Are you dating someone now aside from me? or perhaps even a present boyfriend on the brink of breaking up?
Him: Of course none! Been single for the longest time now.
Me: oh i see. that’s nice.
Him: (His phone got a message)
Me: (to eager to be chismoso, tried to take a sneak peak who that was)

On his phone: Baby. Honey. Beb.

To my mind. Haha huli ka!

5. Malcontented guy.
Scenario. Dating for couple of months.

Me: do you still meet guys online or something like that?
Him: of course not. we’ve been dating for quite sometime now.
Me: sweet. (chos!)

days after, my friend texted.

Friend: Hey, I saw your date online and chatting. He’s looking for seb’s. He even invited me over to his pad!
Me: wow. you sure?
Friend: yes!
Me: hmmm, let’s set him up.

Bingo! Ditched.
Benefit of the doubt: none.

This post is purely based on experience, facts and opinions.
Any comments, reations and violent reactions? Just give me a holler.

Ta!