A risk postulate

I engaged myself into the dating scene last month which didn’t work well. I have heard that this guy (link) just ended his premature relationship… and the reason is me. I don’t know how to understand and comprehend the meaning of this but why the hell I am involved with this?

When I learned over Facebook that my [ex] date changed his status to “in a relationship”.. I said “whoa, that was fast.. we just dated 2 weeks ago and now he has a bf – I know this is a premature engagement and it will end sooner than expected” and it did.

Now, he’s claiming me back.. trying to apologize for not waiting and being impatient for not breaking my shell. Yes, I admit that I impose a hard shell to break. I don’t typically show my weak point/s to any human entities. I am the opposite of vulnerability. An oyster with a hard shell, needs effort to open and see the pearl (melodramatic).

Now,  he’s like messaging me from every channel he could. From Facebook, to Viber or whatever that may come in handy.

I have set things straight, I told him I’m not your fall back guy. Not an option to be taken for granted. I just don’t know if he’ll accept it whole-heatedly or still be the persistent fly to roam around me.

One thing is for sure, I would no longer date him. We can go out, but as buddies. No more, no less.

Besides, he doesn’t know my sero-status. What could be the worse thing that can happen?

In relation to this, I have some postulates – assumptions or whatever you call it.

The Risk postulate
I am an HIV-positive guy, opened my doors to date another guy (assuming he’s negative), went out together for some time, feelings are now on the steady state then admitted my status… he declined and ran away. It’s pretty hard to find and date guys whose minds are as wide as an airport runway. Many have told, if you are to disclose your status to a guy, don’t do it immediately. Let the connection between you build up before letting it all out.

I have experienced a couple who deemed to show whether they can accept my status or not. I have mentioned in a blog post, perhaps 2 years ago, I asked this guy about the “non-negotiable” factors or traits for a future relationship.. he said, “he must be HIV negative”. Ok… PASS.

This is getting into a trend. I won’t take a risk.

I’m not really talking about “in general”, there are still some guys who are really open minded – those educated bitches who know how to accept and understand the scenario. I know some HIV-positive friends who engage into magnetic or sero-discordant relationships. I’m just wondering – “WHERE THE HELL DO THEY FIND THESE GUYS?!”

Latest CD4 count

Visited Research Institute for Tropical Medicine last Friday for medicine refill and CD4 testing. Been a long time since I last went here. I came in very early at 6:45 am for CD4 testing. They recently changed the cut-off time for blood extraction to 7am-8am only. At this early, I’m already on the 9th spot from the line. The process changed and improved a bit from the previous topsy turvy scene. Their process is more effective but less efficient. It took me roughly 8 hours waiting in vain. CD4 results are released within the day, in most cases 11am, after lunch otherwise. Since I am about to refill, they told me to wait for the doctor since she will be the one providing the prescription. You will encounter a very long and pain-on-the-ass wait. I’m gonna to another post about the crucial wait-for-results experience.

So far, I’m thankful for the result. In time for Thanksgiving day. 

From 406 units of CD4, it went up to 710 units.

This, perhaps, is one of the reason to be happy. Somehow, still thankful.

And oh by the way, I’m trying to resurface again. Struggling, but trying.

Follow me on Twitter @tcghiv

Trick or Treat

I wonder if vampires and zombies get HIV since they eat anything blood-related? My most anticipated world catastrophe is zombie apocalypse. Been an avid fan of zombie-themed movies, games and stuff. I think I am ready for one, I just hope it happen.. The thing is, I think I won’t live that long since there will be a shortage of ARV. Oh well, I can’t have it all.

Just posting to say Happy Halloween.. trick or treat, I want something good to eat – a dick perhaps? lols. Kidding.

Stay safe. Have yourself tested.

Follow me on Twitter: @tcghiv

You wouldn’t know

I don’t wanna spoil it but here it goes. Can’t shut my mind.
Someone messaged my “another” account on a gay site. That is, my sero-converted status account.
He asked how am I doing and all that stuff. I checked his profile, which seem to be real since I always see this profile for the longest time, the guy looked very familiar. As in, very much over familiar.
We work under one roof and he’s one of my crush.
Alright, not really a big deal.
Then he asked if we can get to know more each other. Maybe he has this tactic of knowing my identity but when I asked why. He said – “We’re the same”

Been a long time

To keep you posted, these were some of the events while I was out.

1. Went to Boracay, a delightful sight seeing of the hunks and gals. Koreans and Europeans.
Met some new friends. It was indeed great and fun. Nice waters and fine white sands. Too many foreigners, great bodies and food. An ultimate beach bumming experience. Might go for 2nd time there.

2. Went to RITM for a quick refill of my medications. Good for 3months. The staffs were asking How am I going with Ma.

I said. “HUH?! It was long ago since we break up… Sila na ni D!”

Them: Shocked. Hekhekhek. Expectedly!

Ma and D’s relationship is giving me goosebumps! puhhlease..

I thought September was my 2nd cd4 count, but no! Next will be on January. It will count the moment you start taking the ARV’s. I started July, so + 6months = January.
Hmmm, I hope it will jump from 282 to 500+.

3. Talking about ARV. I’m quite doing good with Efavirenz. Though a stint of headaches and dizziness, it’s still manageable.

4. Ate Ana asked for permission if she can give my number to a newbie from Makati Medical Center. Of course, without hesitation, I said yes. But until now, no one’s texting me.

5. Speaking of text. Literally, no one’s texting me. It makes me sad. The old group messages like Good morning or Good afternoon and even Sweet evening are ringing my phone. It’s quite annoying coz you know it was “sent to many” not even personalized.
6. Sadly, my ex, the more than a year relationship guy, the only guy I consider my true relationship has a new bf. Tsss. and he even hides it from me! it hurts but, there’s no way but forward.

“don’t ever look back, don’t ever look back” – Katy Perry’s Teenage Dream

Leche! bitter kung bitter! he just have to make sure that his “new” guy is way better than I did. yes, I DID. He must be taller than me, got more nice eyes – like a blue-eyed one! better built and better skin tone! hmp!

7. I’m planning to date myself this coming weekend. I want to watch Resident Evil – Afterlife.
Synonymous to what I have now, I’m technically dead, the moment HIV entered my body. Dead!
Just surviving my everyday life and trying to be more productive and be more nice. Well on the brighter side, It seems that I’m longing for a company this weekend. hmmm.. come what may.

8. Vivid dreams. Again. Not really what you call “vivid” coz I can’t even remember the details of it. But, it’s really fun!

9. I can now see the results of my body toning. Even my friends noticed it. Hmmm..
It is when the time I was already infected with HIV when flirting from other guys arise! such a wrong timing.

10. Still, I’m not a desperate retard. And I will never be. 😀

11. Piling up love songs on my iPod, WTH?! I know it’s cheesy. but hey, don’t be cheeky! I just want to drive my emotions out.

12. Planning of intensifying my photography hobby. anyone care to be a model?

Any comments, reactions or violent reactions?
Just give me a holler. 🙂


Share a seat, not win a friend

I went to the one of the biggest malls in the world.
Agenda was to pay some bills and get some recreational function. A short nifty date again with myself. Well, It’s getting fun..

The weather’s perfectly fine. Bright and Sunny. It’s weird since August is a season of heavy rains and floods yet, The sun is up. I remember the sunflowers from Plants vs. Zombies.
I went to the telecommunication’s shop and paid my bill. Agenda was done and I have the time for myself again.

I tried roaming around and checked the movie list for a possible marathon. The Expendable, hmm.. nah! pass on that.. that’s too straight. Other were already seen and downloaded, so I just continued roaming around and decided to get bunch of my favorite floss bread. I went to Bo’s Coffee and spared my time sipping some chocolate freeze. Watching people as they pass by is again, a great experience. You see the hunks, the cutes, the gays, the boys, the dogs, those bf/gf quarrel and some interesting stuffs you can make crazy stories of.

Several hours have passed, it’s time for dinner.. On to the resto. Got my Chicken Cordon Bleu and sat on a 3-seater table, Alone. I may sound dumb but I’m not. Started my sumptuous dinner, with my ipod on, Someone then approached me and asked if she can share a seat… Yes, you heard it, She. Uh, ok.. Sure.

Awkward. Silence on my end. Hey, it’s a pretty and smart girl. Intimidating. lols.
Maybe she knew I’m straight. Sorry I’m not.
I can’t break the ice, I never did in my life time. I hurriedly finished my stuff and went home.