A risk postulate

I engaged myself into the dating scene last month which didn’t work well. I have heard that this guy (link) just ended his premature relationship… and the reason is me. I don’t know how to understand and comprehend the meaning of this but why the hell I am involved with this?

When I learned over Facebook that my [ex] date changed his status to “in a relationship”.. I said “whoa, that was fast.. we just dated 2 weeks ago and now he has a bf – I know this is a premature engagement and it will end sooner than expected” and it did.

Now, he’s claiming me back.. trying to apologize for not waiting and being impatient for not breaking my shell. Yes, I admit that I impose a hard shell to break. I don’t typically show my weak point/s to any human entities. I am the opposite of vulnerability. An oyster with a hard shell, needs effort to open and see the pearl (melodramatic).

Now,  he’s like messaging me from every channel he could. From Facebook, to Viber or whatever that may come in handy.

I have set things straight, I told him I’m not your fall back guy. Not an option to be taken for granted. I just don’t know if he’ll accept it whole-heatedly or still be the persistent fly to roam around me.

One thing is for sure, I would no longer date him. We can go out, but as buddies. No more, no less.

Besides, he doesn’t know my sero-status. What could be the worse thing that can happen?

In relation to this, I have some postulates – assumptions or whatever you call it.

The Risk postulate
I am an HIV-positive guy, opened my doors to date another guy (assuming he’s negative), went out together for some time, feelings are now on the steady state then admitted my status… he declined and ran away. It’s pretty hard to find and date guys whose minds are as wide as an airport runway. Many have told, if you are to disclose your status to a guy, don’t do it immediately. Let the connection between you build up before letting it all out.

I have experienced a couple who deemed to show whether they can accept my status or not. I have mentioned in a blog post, perhaps 2 years ago, I asked this guy about the “non-negotiable” factors or traits for a future relationship.. he said, “he must be HIV negative”. Ok… PASS.

This is getting into a trend. I won’t take a risk.

I’m not really talking about “in general”, there are still some guys who are really open minded – those educated bitches who know how to accept and understand the scenario. I know some HIV-positive friends who engage into magnetic or sero-discordant relationships. I’m just wondering – “WHERE THE HELL DO THEY FIND THESE GUYS?!”


Testing the Waters

Me and M, the spark guy, met for the second time..

Wednesday. He went to RITM for a skin rash check and Efavirenz prescription, since he’s not really into NVP. He stayed a bit longer in the lounge and went to my office for dinner. We only got 1 hr so we maximized our time, he asked me if he can stay overnight.. I don’t know for what reason, but I said yes. I gathered all my possible palusots with my mom since I’ll be bringing home a stranger. He waited for me in the office lounge for 4 hours and there you go..

4 hours? Oh my.. I can’t do that, San Pablo to Alabang then to Makati? I really appreciate that effort!

We agreed to walk from RCBC tower to EDSA Ayala, this way we can spend more time on chit chatting and knowing each other.

Rode the bus, the infamous habal-habal and finally got home. I introduced him to my mom as my officemate. Prepared stuffs, bought some foods and went for another round of chit chat.

Time passed by and Of course, 2 guys in a room?? What do you expect.. we did something kinky. He’s kinda rough and thirsty for some hot action, as we are doing it, it crossed my mind that it seems that this guy only wants sex and after this, wala na. A totally different feeling for me. Well, it’s our 2nd meet and we had sex… What’s new? He was the 2nd guy maliban sa ex ko na dinala ko sa bahay and did it.
I really felt that I was treated as an seb.

Ok, it turned the round table for me.. Iba talaga eh. We slept together and had brunch and he decided to drop me off sa office. We parted ways.

We’re still exchanging messages and talking over the phone so maybe it’s a sign na mali yung nasa isip ko. But then again, the feeling changed a bit. Maybe I’m just thinking too deep and raw for me to conclude something, but for now im still testing the waters. Maybe things are going too fast and i am overwhelmed of what is happening, i’ll let this sit for now and start to wait what might happen next.

Our next meet is on Saturday, he and his friends are inviting me for the upcoming white party in Malate. It’s my first time so i’ll to wait for new things.