A risk postulate

I engaged myself into the dating scene last month which didn’t work well. I have heard that this guy (link) just ended his premature relationship… and the reason is me. I don’t know how to understand and comprehend the meaning of this but why the hell I am involved with this?

When I learned over Facebook that my [ex] date changed his status to “in a relationship”.. I said “whoa, that was fast.. we just dated 2 weeks ago and now he has a bf – I know this is a premature engagement and it will end sooner than expected” and it did.

Now, he’s claiming me back.. trying to apologize for not waiting and being impatient for not breaking my shell. Yes, I admit that I impose a hard shell to break. I don’t typically show my weak point/s to any human entities. I am the opposite of vulnerability. An oyster with a hard shell, needs effort to open and see the pearl (melodramatic).

Now,  he’s like messaging me from every channel he could. From Facebook, to Viber or whatever that may come in handy.

I have set things straight, I told him I’m not your fall back guy. Not an option to be taken for granted. I just don’t know if he’ll accept it whole-heatedly or still be the persistent fly to roam around me.

One thing is for sure, I would no longer date him. We can go out, but as buddies. No more, no less.

Besides, he doesn’t know my sero-status. What could be the worse thing that can happen?

In relation to this, I have some postulates – assumptions or whatever you call it.

The Risk postulate
I am an HIV-positive guy, opened my doors to date another guy (assuming he’s negative), went out together for some time, feelings are now on the steady state then admitted my status… he declined and ran away. It’s pretty hard to find and date guys whose minds are as wide as an airport runway. Many have told, if you are to disclose your status to a guy, don’t do it immediately. Let the connection between you build up before letting it all out.

I have experienced a couple who deemed to show whether they can accept my status or not. I have mentioned in a blog post, perhaps 2 years ago, I asked this guy about the “non-negotiable” factors or traits for a future relationship.. he said, “he must be HIV negative”. Ok… PASS.

This is getting into a trend. I won’t take a risk.

I’m not really talking about “in general”, there are still some guys who are really open minded – those educated bitches who know how to accept and understand the scenario. I know some HIV-positive friends who engage into magnetic or sero-discordant relationships. I’m just wondering – “WHERE THE HELL DO THEY FIND THESE GUYS?!”


You’re a Lucky Guy

Last night, Tuesday, I met a guy in Legaspi village.

He sent me a message in planet romeo last week coz he’s having some problems.
He felt that he’s positive since there were some symptoms that denotes the condition such as Shingles, swollen lymph nodes, flu-like symptoms and the like.. he was so worried and it seemed that all burden was on his shoulder. He mentioned that around 2008 he had a slight unprotected encounter. He was horribly asking for my advise and urged to meet me. Of course i had doubts.

When arrived in Manila last weekend, he took the test in Makati Medical Center and since it was a Saturday, results might be out by Tuesday.

This is the longest 2 days of my life

he quoted. After exchanging some sms’s I decided to meet him in Legaspi village where he stays, After work i went straight through the place and we met. He’s of average height, i’m turned on with his braces and i know he’s intelligent coz of the way he speaks and utters his emotions..

good thing these kind of guys still exists, they’re just hiding underground waiting to be discovered, i thought this world is now dominated by relentless party freaks and superficial minds.

We sat down and talked, asking questions, giving out answers, sharing experiences, making daot, and pampering what can be pampered. He’s good in conversations. Couple of hours later, we decided to part ways, gave him a hug and an assurance that no matter what results would be, you can still go ahead and live a normal life…

Tuesday afternoon, he’s not texting me.. so i wondered if what happened, baka sobrang shocked at depressed sa result kaya ayaw muna ng kausap. I tried texting him,

you ok?

no reply..

work’s done for the day and i went home, as i sat on my bed trying to untie my shoe, my phone rang and saw his name.

Hi, Z ……. just had the results and it’s non reactive! im so hapi and changed….. thanks for showing me how a complete stranger can help so much… id reli like us to be friends.

Im so happy for him, he’s negative.. at least walang madagdag na figure sa tally.
Though i still warned him na to be careful next time.. I know he’s so happy. Rejoicing.

Suddenly, my mood went out crazy.. i’m now crying…. again!
I don’t know but maybe i’m just envious of him, not just envious but so envious!
buti ka siya negative.. I hope i got the same result when i took the test months ago.
It’s not my fault why im infected. If only i could turn back time. A system restore.

I took a bath so I wont feel my tears …

you’re a lucky guy R, pls be careful on your journey.