I’m not an option

Got a couple of hours to splurge to.. So why not make another entry.

I’m pigging out myself with salt and ketchup. This is how I love my fries.

Ma texted asking where am I. Having doubts of him seeing me somewhere along the way, I asked him ‘why?’

‘I’m here in Glorietta with my bro.’

Coincendentally, I’m having my lunch in the same spot too. Getting straight to the point, I don’t wanna see him. I wanna be alone.

I continued my salt craving and tried observing people while listening to my ipod, my bestfriend. Another hot manager stumbled upon my entrance, what’s with this resto as they hire cute management trainees? Great biceps on a super tight fitting sleeve..

Contemplating on my past relationships, it’s been a while. Almost 4 years have passed since my serious one. The one that lasted for more that a year. Well, a couple of years ago I had one but it didn’t last that long though he can still be considered. So there were 2. I have tons of dates and flings but not a single guy worked out. Been through the thick and thin of the LGBT world. Maybe that’s why I tested out positive. Experience really gave me the lessons I need to take. Modesty aside, I’m not stupid. I know how the world revolves around the sun. Yes, it’s hard to be smart coz you tend to set standards, when you have standards, you tend yo be choosy. Yes, I’m choosy. Simple, I know what I want.

Now that I am sero-converted, hiv positive. I will still be choosy. It is better to set standards than to be fooled. Just like what happened a couple of days ago. I just knew that I was an ‘option’. Maybe because I am positive and the other is negative. Another reason not to be engaged in a ‘Magnetic’ relationship (me, positive. Partner is negative). Good thing I’m smart enough. I’m already immunocompromised then why let my emotions be compromised as well. One’s thing is for sure, I won’t become a relationship-desperate retard. I’d rather cry every night than to look for an irrational relationship.

Just like what Tata Young said..

Don’t want to depend on no-one else
I’d rather rescue myself

I can slay, my own dragon
I can dream, my own dreams
My knight in shining armour is me
So I’m gonna set me free

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Festivals, Jejemons and Superficials

It was a non-productive day for me.. spent the day resting from Saturday’s Pahiyas Festival.

The festival was great, lots of people, tons of food and great colors..
Despite the heat, heavy traffic, sweaty and sticky people I managed to make it a worthwhile activity.

It started out on a heavy traffic along SLEX caused by a massive fire. It took us around 2hours just to pass by Alabang exit from C5. I thought it was the end, but NO .. Tollgate traffic along Laguna made a 45min ordeal. Another one along Sto. Thomas, Batangas. Then another along Quezon! gawd! the normal 3-4 hours ride to Lucban was about 6-7 hours.. such a crap!

When we were there, tons of people stumbled upon the streets and it is imperative for any vehicle to pass through, so we decided to walk. Watching a lot of people is always my favorite pass time, i got more excited when we where in city proper. pucha ang daming tao and the heat was so intense! pancit habhab everywhere, street foods were rampant, colorful kipings and houses, maraming din cute at gays. it was a nice view from the start.

Took photos the whole day and went home at around 8pm, as expected, sobrang traffic pa rin. arrived home at around 3am. See, 8pm-3am, that’s 7hrs!

Sunday, time to organize my things and photos.. I wanna go out and play, yoko kasi mag stay house since i always feel that i dont have the sense of privacy. but out of katamaran hindi na ko natuloy. even i’m with my folks at home… depression still bothers me. I wanna talk and make kwento to someone… but hey, there’s none. Remember, my mom and i is not that close to an extent that i share my personal stuffs? so instead, i went online and tried to look for someone to talk to. as always, pahirapan mag hanap.

Someone sent a message to my pseudo account in planet romeo, pseudo account – my hiv inclined personal account, hahaha.

he said, “pls text mo naman ako, huhuh”
i said, “bakit kita itetext, positive ka ba?”
he said, “yes”

so he gave me his number and i decided to text him, maybe he’s new and he doesnt know what to do and he knows i can help him. he’s so handsome, nice nose and eyes. pang artista i should say, 22 yo though. the way he compose his text, you’ll notice na bata pa sya kasi sort of a jejemon. tsk. we talked over the phone and exchanged some messages, then he asked for my photo, i was in doubt since mahirap mag trust, but for fairness sake i did give my facebook. all of a sudden hindi na sya nag text. so, alam ko na.. my god, nag kalat paren ang mga superficial. they’re everywhere! fine fine, to begin with he’s a jejemon so goodluck na lang sakanya.

after a while, there’s another guy. i saw his photo and alam kong mejo sikat sya sa g4m or pr. i always see his profile in every forums during the g4m days.. pusit din pala to! to cut it short, his senseless, superficial. though hindi ko naman binigay photos ko kasi alam ko na na ganun sya. so i saw his photo but he didnt see mine.. still quits.

no dates for the time being. ok na din less stress sa mga hindi magandang ugali.
maybe searching for good and trustworthy friends is enough muna.
nakaka dagdag sa depression kasi, so better stop it muna..

posted are some photos from the festival, of course ibang set yung nakapost sa personal sites ko. 😀

Ta!

Long Weekend and Election

Another long weekend has passed by.

Saturday, it was a time for another volleyball game with some known and unknown friends. It was really fun and i got the chance to meet some new friends and acquaintances, of course another chance of meeting new crushes! lols

Sunday was quite slow for me, as usual, i went to a near by mall and did some groceries instead. was online the whole day and met another poz guy from a gay personal site. he was nice, seems humble.. which i like the most.
my instincts never failed me. i just don’t get the logic why there are still some poz guys who’s really pasaway.

I also got the chance to research some facts and developments on HIV. There are new ARV’s to be approved soon by FDA. how exciting.

also had the chance to browse over youtube for photoshop tutorials..

May 10 was another premium pay for me, It’s National Elections, it’s a holiday..
as expected.. Ayala was like Resident Evil again, no cars, no fuzzy people, no everything!

I’m not a registered voter, hmm.. i know, why didn’t i exercised my right? I just don’t have time to register, as simple as that.

Looking at the partial results now, my bet Mr. Aquino is on the lead. but what the as a fuck?! Mr. Estrada next in line? no way! gosh.. why people nowadays are so narrow-headed. My officemates were wondering how to remove the indelible ink,

Indelible ink – main ingredient is Silver Nitrate, can be removed by Nitric Acid (goodluck!) and Sodium Thiosulfate. Correct me if i’m wrong.

My ex-bf and i got into a slight tension which lead to a realization that i can’t share my sero status to him, tsk.. plans do fail. i really need to move on.

my birthday is just around the corner. no plans, no nothing…
my first birthday after my sero-conversion. well, nothing’s special on that day.

like what i said, i need to move on, not from this sero-status but from him.

Get well soon Juan dela Cruz, Positive = Rebirth, G!

Ta!