Unexpected Bliss – part 2

Part 2

… so the night of Lady Gaga’s concert went more than expected.

Let’s start the story with a little flash back. I wont go into much detail as this might disclose my true identity. 😛

The night before the concert, I remembered this guy way back in college. I was on my freshman and he was a senior – a graduating student. 

How we met is kinda unexpected and I can’t really give in the details but he was the one approached me and that was the first time someone did that – knowing how snob, stiff and introvert I am.

The story didn’t last that long as he was about to graduate from college, we only meet once a week for 1.5 months since he was already preparing for his ojt and commencement exercises.

After his graduation, we lost contacts. No nothing.

I admit it was a puppy love.. now a more appropriate connotation – “teenage dream”

There wasn’t a year that I cannot think of him until I finally moved on and just think of it as a perfect teenage experience.

Until the night before Lady Gaga’s concert. I suddenly remembered him, trying to search his name on Facebook and even Google but to no results.

The night of the concert came and we were upgraded to the second highest class seating available. The concert started and in the middle of the fun, I randomly starred down and made an eye contact to this guy, he was also starring at me and to my surprise he was at the same event too. My excitement was like an airplane running 500kph.

We made signs to meet up at the entrance door after the concert but since the arena was so crowded, we lost each other and had no opportunity to talk. My heart felt bad – a feeling of grief and lost chance.

It was late at night when I got home from the concert and still pursued to search him on Facebook… suddenly his profile appeared and hurriedly sent a friend request. He immediately approved it so he was online. 

We finally talked and had a catch up to what’s new… 

too bad, he has a partner. 

I was baffled.

Still, I am so happy that these happened. I am still thankful that I went to Lady Gaga’s concert and seen this guy for the longest time. Of all the places and instances.

I’m still grateful – a bliss.


Just for a moment

Last Saturday, I went to San Juan to shop for something that serves as a self reward and recognition program. I decided to drop by to another nearby mall to have a delightful dinner.. I’m just alone. Afterwards, somebody approached me and to my surprise, a long time friend of mine. Actually, were FB’s before. You know what FB is. 

We were having this no-strings-attached-intimate sexual relationship, roughly 5 years ago, that last for several months. This was a very rare instance on my part. Perhaps, we were both into each other. He likes me very much, and so do I. I wont go into detail of how he looks like but cutting short, he’s one heck of an ideal guy for me. He started out telling me if we can step up the ladder and have a relationship. This never came into my mind since I know for the fact that we were just FB’s and if ever we go one notch higher, it will surely wont work well… Since we started out as FB’s. That’s how I value the onset of a relationship, I always tend to evaluate what we are during the start and connote that to the extent of the succeeding relationship, if there are any. 

Our line of communication was cut, I can’t remember why. But I know he relocated to another city and we changed our numbers, which was our only means of talking. Four years have passed, we unexpectedly bumped into each other again but in a not so good situation, I was with my friends and he was with his. We had the chance to exchange numbers again and made chit chat and catch up over the phone. 

And that Saturday was really Endorphin inducing, that instant and unexpected meet up turned date we had was really surreal. I never felt it for the longest time. How I wish this can go further and further.

He still looks good, He still likes me. He still have the urge to continue what was left. I wanted it, I think this time I am ready… but, I’m now sero-converted. Another instance of regret and shame. 

Heart-breaking. Depressing.

Globe Trotter Teenage Dream

What will you do if someone seems to giving his best foot forward in an exaggerated way?

I’m a detailed type of person so when someone said this and that even when said online, I can remember every detail of it.

Met this guy over online and we were chatting over phone endlessly. Talked about the past and the usual get to know. We decided to meet over the weekend to get along.

Before parting ways, we had some talk over coffee knowing each other more.

As the talk goes a long way, I can now feel some inconsistencies and this instinct that what ever comes out of his mouth is no longer genuine. It was like sensational.

One instance was when he was talking about his ex, they were like chasing each other at different parts of the globe. Like what JLO said on her song – Brazil, Morocco, London to Ibiza, straight to LA, New York, Vegas to Africa.

Hmmm, I don’t know if I were to believe but what matters most is how surreal you are saying. Of course, let’s give the benefit of the doubt…

After we met and parted ways, we no longer have communication. Maybe he’s superficial too.. I really don’t know.

Divine Teenage Dream

To make it clear, Teenage Dream is like a date.. just like how Katy Perry sang the song. Ok? This is the 2nd time I mentioned Teenage Dream, so get used to it moving forward. 🙂

First series of my dating experience or to make it subtle – meeting experience.

I met this guy over Planetromeo through my poz account. He messaged me and instantly asked to meet. Of course I don’t easily trust people over the said site especially if my profile is blatant of my sero status. I asked for evidence to prove whether he is really one – he provided none.

So I was really doubtful of this guy. But his persistence made me talk to him more. We exchanged photos using Facebook and he looks good. Tall, chinito and with a good body – ok, maybe this is another superficial guy.

Still doubtful, he was really that persistent to have a meet and greet. Chasing a free weekend, it was hilarious that I was the one who asked him to meet. He said yes and he was the one who decided for the place of meet up – his pad.

What I saw was what I got.

He admitted that he was into pnp and substance abuse. Inviting guys over his pad and do sex while enjoying drugs and there was an abrupt change from being so to a religious kind of person. He’s now into the more side of faith.

When we talk about faith, god, end of the world, illuminati etc. It’s a never ending cycle of talk., discussions and debates. And that’s what we did. Every time we meet, there goes the never ending talk. Really stressful on both ends, we both argue endlessly.

One of his ‘divine’ mission was to change how I feel and spread his word from faith. That’s quite a challenge for me. It’s really annoying when someone is trying to change one’s faith, we have our own and one should respect it.

In a nutshell, we didn’t click. I liked him and he liked me but talking about faith and religion? Nah.

Oh well, I hope he’s not hiding under the cloak of goodness to cover his dark acts of drug usage and pnp’s. Am gonna bet that he’s doing it again.

One lesson learned from him was – Always show kindness to others, and am thankful to that.

On dating and beyond

Been into dates the past months – it didn’t work well. Or should I say, I never worked out.
Eye opener:
Regardless if you’re HIV free or acquired it, dating and relationships will still be dependent on you and the other party. 
I thought dating a comrade of the same sero-status will give an assurance that everything will work fine – It’s not.
Scene 1:
Dating someone who’s negative (assuming) is quite a challenge, all is well.. you act normal as if you don’t have any condition, date for a couple of weeks or months, being attached emotionally, you confess your status, he (your date) was in shock, eventually he refused and now… you’re depressed and rejected. 
Scene 2: 
You met a co-sero positive guy, decided to meet, dated for while, he doesn’t like you or I don’t like him and the dating stop. No communication after. Superficiality can come to anyone. 
Scene 3: 
You met a co-sero positive guy, date for a while, it went well, you like each other and voila! happily ever after.
Scene 4:
You met this negative guy (assuming), dated for a while, you like him and he likes you, you confess your sero-status, he chose to be with you (lucky you) and go happily ever after.
Experienced scene 2, two months in a row, and it might go to 3 peat. I’ll make entries for each of them.

Mr False Teenage Dream

It was a normal weekend, I scheduled myself to see Dra. G of Makati Med for the nth because I saw a tint of blood on my sputum, out of panic and freak out am having thoughts of this might be the dreaded tuberculosis. Still confused of the symptoms since I don’t experience any fevers, chills nor sudden weight loss. Before I meet the doctor there was this patient who so skinny, wearing mask, unhealthy skin and aura. Out of curiosity I tried to sneak what he’s up to. My excellent 20-20 vision – can even see 8pt font size from meters away, saw his prescription paper saying Lamivudine + Zidovudine with Dra. G’s familiar handwriting.. Ok, no need to ask.. He’s positive to, I think he’s just new to this world. 
I met Dra. G and hurriedly ask for another series of tests to confirm what’s going on, she requested – AFB smear and PTB sensitivity and culture. I went to the Pathology lab and had day 1 of 2 of sptum collection, its not that easy to collect sputum and the whole test costs around 7.5 pesos. Quite expensive, good thing I have this medical insurance. 
Right after I finish my hospital obligations, an sms was received from this guy. Let’s call him Mr. Teenage dream. Giving a brief background, we met through this gay social site. I did a photo shoot of him unaware that we already chatted. He’s taller than I do – 6ft. 2 inches more than mine, I admit he’s cute and sweet, have a great physique, and from that point in time I know he’s a good guy — a teenage dream. 
We decided to meet somewhere halfway between the hospital and his pad, took the cab and went to a nearby mall for a dinner and movie date. As expected, he was sweet during the movie screening, touching and holding my hand, doing some laughing matters and yada yada yada. I loosen up and stopped my stiffness and went to the flow. We dined somewhere and continued the sensible chit chat. We were smiling and laughing the whole night and it felt good. Maybe it was one the handful moments that you can see me smile. 
He’s naughty and had this double entendre dialogues. Which I find it unusual, so am having this impression of he’s just another guy from that gay social site. we went to his pad – which I also expected, a sex date. It’s not new. Of course I had this doubt, I don’t wanna be guilty of spreading my lifetime award. I set my mind not to do penetration and play it extra safe. The moment we went inside his pad, the action begins. I don’t know if he’s that horny, wants to sex with me, or excited of doing so or what. Shortly, he planned to penetrate me with his enormous tool – no rubber on it. My mind clicked and said no, don’t do that I might bleed. But to his excitement he continues and insisted. I was bluffing it around that he made it, but not. I didn’t allow him to enter.  He was so persistent and attempted to do it more than 6x or so. Of course I won’t allow it. But all of a sudden he grabbed his poppers, I know what’s that for – meant to relax your muscles especially your behind. He let me sniff two times, one with the other. It was my first time to try it and it was like sniffing acetone or a menthol candy. then he tried to enter again, the poppers seem ineffective and my consciousness was still alive, I insisted that it was already hurting and not to do it anymore.. His excitement was still on and grabbed the poppers again and we sniffed. My body was like immune to it and it got no effect. I stopped the action and went to the comfort room as I felt a stinging sensation. And yeah it was bleeding. I sat quietly like and felt anger. No penetration was made so I think everything is still fine. 
I was totally turned off. I just sat quietly and never spoke. I just wanna go home. It felt that I was forced with this. It was planned but I didn’t expect this to happen. He was so apologetic. I quietly accepted it and after a couple hours, decided to go home.
With that couple of hours, it seemed nothing happened. I took the chance of observing his actions. He’s just the same as others. That poppers alone already showed it. No need for rocket science. Still a good guy – best foot forward. Went home and now wondering what to do with this wound, it hurts but it’s tolerable.
Am just sad why this thing happened to me, I know it was planned but never thought like this disastrous. Now he doesn’t ring my phone. Who cares, maybe I won’t see him again. He and his poppers. Gamitin na lang nya sa iba yun.
By the way, I got the AFB smear result: negative for acid fast bacilli, culture and sensitivity to follow – after 6 weeks.

Superordinate Love

Summer season and it’s raining like cats and dogs. Global warning is really happening.
As of now, I am watching James Franco’s 127 Hours, still starting out and the movie has not caught my attention yet so why not do another blog entry.
A friend of mine told me a story of his caught up “encounter”. He was on his way home when this guy who rode the same bus sat beside him and made this moves. The guy introduced to my friend using his mobile phone, surely a discreet way of making guy-to-guy friendship. Not really sure what was the detailed story about but going staight, they went to my friend’s place and had sex. 
The thing was, my friend lives under the same roof with his boyfriend. I know both of them and they are indeed nice. 
Boyfriend saw them. Yeah. Alright, confrontations were made and all fights were done. The weird thing is, they still live together, act normal and as if nothing happened? I am not sure the reason for this, maybe their superordinate goal which is to love one another or what. 
Trust will now be on top of everything now. What will happen if someone you love betrayed you? You’re living under one roof. Been together for the longest time.
It’s not really the first time I heard this. I have, what, like 4-5 similar stories.. but this one’s different. The other 3 broke up immediately, throwing the clothes, raising the roof and all that scandalous shit. If this was to happen to me? Probably I would do the same thing. An uncontrollable outburst of emotions. Mixed anger, hatred and betrayal. 
This is a major drawback in doing such “under-the-same-roof” relationships. Having a conjugal place to live in. The propensity of temptation is very high. Better to have my own place instead.
I remember Lady Gaga and Beyonce’s dialogue on their Telephone video . Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it once it’s broken. But you can still see crack on the reflection. 
Is it still advisable to do so? Maybe not. It’s too risky.
Am just speaking for myself alright. Just don’t hold it against me. 🙂
Movie is half way done. 
I can say 7.5/10 so far. Not really for a best actor performance.
Need to take care of my hands from now on.