Half-Hearted Rebound

I tried re-surfacing from the dating scene and it’s kinda awkward. I have met this guy online, he was an “avid” follower of my social media posts, from Facebook to Twitter to Instagram and Foursquare. A year of likes, comments and online messages, he had this guts to ask my number and admit his interest in dating. I was a bit aloof of this because of my sero-status – I assume he’s non-poz. 

I finally gave up on his persistence for a date. We set a weekend for us to meet and planned what to do with the day. It was a normal date, we dined out, watched a movie and had a little chit chat over coffee. It was really so-so. I tend to hold back everything on my mind since I know I am dating a non-poz guy, yes I’m sort of uncomfortable of the situation – Here are the reasons:

1. In the long run, granting that all is well and went according to plan, it will be one step ahead of dating – that is, being new partners. And of course as a consequence, I have to disclose my sero-status. Two things will happen, either he accepts or rejects me.

1a. If he accepted me, then that would be great. But the consequences are just up ahead. Having a sero-discordant relationship is kinda heavy to take and requires a high level of responsibility. Responsibility of not infecting your negative partner. 

Intimate relationship will surely suffer on both parties as the positive guy will be strictly conscious  on every action to take. Even though there’s the value of “safety”, still you cannot blame the scrupulous mind of the poz guy.

1b. What happens in the event of rejection? Well, this will add or perhaps multiply to the burden and depression I am experiencing.

We have talked about his closest friends. Two of them are working for some very known pharmaceutical company. One of it is actually a maker of ARV drugs. I know these friends based on Facebook, since they all added me.. I don’t why, but they did. And they are all of high profiled ones, not your average and ordinary guys on the block.

I’m not really sure if I can get along with these kinds of guys – well because I don’t get along well with these class of people. I’d rather have a simple life without any complications. (I just avoiding reasons for me to be insecure, that is.)

Couple of weeks has passed, this guy is still up for another date. He’s really into me I think. If you were to ask me, disregarding anything and of the absolute, there’s no spark between us. Given my current situation, emotionally and mentally, I think I have to turn down and no longer be ahead of what is currently happening.


I’m just too scared. Trying to do a damage control or anything similar that will affect my emotional and mental being – anticipating that it may incur more damage. Too frightened to let my feelings flow – especially to a thing that I know I cannot hold onto.

If he was a known poz guy, then perhaps everything will be alright. I know I am thinking too much about it, its just the way it is.

Follow me on Twitter: @tcghiv

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Great Weekend

I just got home from an overnight training seminar held by RITM.
Self-Empowerment training.
Im doing this blog while my memory is still good like fresh fish from the sea.. excited to dive back into the water.

I registered months ago together with Becky, I was excited then since it’s my first time to attend such event. Days were like speed cars and now it’s time for the said event. Unfortunately Becky cant’t make it because of some personal liabilities. So most likely, IM ALONE!

The day has come and I prepared myself a bit late since I know for myself that everybody is practicing the Filipino Time. lols. I arrived in City State Tower at around 1030am. I passed by the hall and saw a bunch of guys and Dr. D and R. I was a little afraid and totally shy since I think i’m late (it really pays to be early, i wont experience the grand entrance!) lols, i cant go in since i’m way too nervous.. i decided to wait in the lounge and tried to gasp for confidence and right timing, minutes later Ate Beth came (thank you Lord!) she accompanied me inside and there you go…

I sat in the round table and tried to squeeze myself in the filled one.. a girly-gay offered me a space, a sigh of relief for me, tried to roll my eyes on every people in front of me and saw several guys of all ages..

Here goes the characters (i’ll try to extract my memory the best as i can):

Ron- a dance instructor from a famous gym center. FF
Da – the sweet and pretty girly-gay.
Re – the reserved and defensive late comer. Has wife but vulnerable to both M/F encounters.
Er – a scary, masungit, suplado, so serious guy. He’s cute.
Rom – a previous ship worker
Jo – a playful, child-like guy.. sorta cute.
Ja – a friend of mine, the fedora hat fashionista guy.
Ju – a super quiet type from Palawan.
Ry – the engineer.
Jos – the straight guy.
Ge – hmmm, not really familiar..
Ki – the so mature thinker advertising guy.
Be – from PAFPI?
Lo – H4 guy.
Za – me?
Ma – my crush :D. spark guy, hihih

Activities went well, the introduce yourself part, story of your life, career planning, emotion handling, self image enhancement and all those stuffs primarily designed for empowering people.
The activities were so fun and got the opportunity to learn everyone’s struggle in life.

As the night went by, we parted ways on our designated rooms.. luckily, i have Ja with me, and Ma, yikeee. lols.. landi!
I dont wanna go onto details on this.. 😀 haha
We went to each others room to meet and greet some of the fellow attendees.
Went to sleep and there you go…. 😀

2nd day was a great one as expected, lots of fun activities and sharing. Time was running too fast and the day were almost set. some cried and some laughed. it was all fun. It’s time to part ways as the older batches or should i say the tenured ones arrived and invited us for dinner. It’s not really a good time for Da, me and Ma (:D) to have dinner so we went on a separate way, strolled down RP and went on coffee and had some little chit chat.. chismis!

A lot of realizations were instilled in my mind. maybe i will have this on my next blog post.
but for now, i wont keep this long, it was really a great experience and a fun to be with group.
Most importantly Met new friends of the same wave length and a chance to share ideas and be more socially and emotionally responsible. All thanks to Dr. R and the organizers of the seminar. 🙂

Ta!