So my life goes on…. I’m now “reactive”, sorry guys I just don’t want to use the term Positive nor Pos nor Poz nor Pusit nor PLHIV. I’m still on the stage of acceptance, for this instance it will help me do so.
When Electrons’ energy level is above its Ground State, we can conclude that it is EXCITED.
— how Quantum Chemistry affects everyday life.
Tuesday, April 6 2010 … A totally different day that marked my calendar.
This is the day of my first CD4 grade … and not to my expectations, other surprises.
On my previous blog, I can’t sleep… I tried to close my eyes, engulf a big grasp of air and relaxed.
But it didn’t work, My eyes were closed and yet my conscious mind flew my head of the thing thats
going to happen for tomorrow… in RITM.
Set my alarm clock for 730am and off i go…
Woke up around 6am but it’s too early, hey i should be throwing off myself by 730am.
I took my short breakfast, a nice cold shower and prepared my stuffs.
I left the house by 820am anticipating myself to be in Alabang by 9am or so.
Even my ipod can’t blur all the things thats instilling in my mind on what’s gonna happen
since i’m alone. I don’t know if im excited to see the results or excited coz it’s another challenge for me to do something on my own… and there you go, Butterflies on my stomach!
Im now walking onto the small and short isle of the building and saw a lot, i mean A LOT of children screaming for mama and crying for the needle shot for their dog bite.. GAWD!
I entered the OPD annex door and saw the nurse who attended to me during my first visit,
a bit of sigh for me coz finally i know someone in the room! As my observant eyes roam the
small room, i saw another friend of mine… another sigh!
ok then, it’s time for my agenda… “For Follow-up and CD4 result pls.. R10-xxx”
Results were — CD4 282
“ok, 282… at least not 2 or 6”
im happy with it, 3 digits is not bad.
If you’re gonna ask me, i’d rather take arv’s instead.
Side Effects or OI’s? —- Side Effects, of course!
How is it gonna be taking Truvada, Kaletra, Isentress, Atripla, Bevirimat etc taste like?
hahaha, In my dreams… I know, I know… 1st line first.
I can’t sleep…
2 reasons why,
1. My first cd4 results will be available tomorrow — though i have a rough estimate of the number as my friend told me, i dont know how in the world he got the number.. he said it’s around 275+, im not sure so let’s assume +-15. — Also, some base line testing will be done..
the main issue im concerned of is I’LL GO TO RITM ALONE. No!!!
I’m still too shy and too aloof with
the folks from the institution, add to that the number of other “reactive” guys who will have their own follow-ups, and for sure they’re all friends… except for me. A newbie.
gonna prepare my ipod and my phone which i can get help of when in times of trouble… you know, AWKWARDNESS.
speaking of ipod which relates to my 2nd reason why i cant sleep…….
2. my itunes is playing Paris Hilton’s Stars are Blind, oh my…
it’s 1154pm MNL time and i do need to sleep a bit early for me to catch up for tomorrows’ agenda. How can i sleep if i’m lying on bed with my laptop on and yeah, playing Paris Hilton.
in fairness, this blogging thing is cool. i like it… an outlet. kudos Blogger!
another exciting day to look forward to!
So here we goes, a new life of certainty and challenges…
Just like what everybody is saying, Every day is now a challenge of survival.
Instead of being depressed and crying all night long, Though I cried twice. Why not think of ways
to improve my life and start living a productive as I can.
First times that made an awkward moment…
1. when i was in Makati Medical Center for my initial screening;
my feeling was totally overwhelmed and mixed with emotions, sobrang kabado and was already planning what to do next as if i knew for myself na positive na ko.
There was this young nurse of my age who was just friendly, she told me that it’s her first time to extract 5 vials of blood and she’s excited since i was her first HIV screening patient. Thanks to this friendly nurse, I felt the care and exclusivity inside the room… too bad i forgot to ask for her name.
Wondering why 5vials? a. CBC, b. Hepa C c. Hepa B d. VRDL e. HIV anitbody test.
Days after the test, everything came out “non-reactive” and bingo! i got a lifetime achievement award. I’ll never forget that nurse…
2. What to do after conversion? the first game plan is to prevent depression, how to do it?
meet reactive guys! I created an account in one of the most popular gay sites and to my luck i found guys who’s worth my trust and meeting to.
I met Guy X and explained everything in a short span of 1.5hrs. He’s nice and looks good too… no one would ever think.
Guy Y and I planned to meet up and have a talk but unknown to my senses, he’s with reactive barkadas as well, blush came into my face and i don’t know what to do,
hello, this is so awkward.. guys of unknown faces and names stare at you.
Point of no return, just go with the flow… these guys knows best. and there you go, another set of new friends.
3. I decided to go to RITM for my first base line check up, or whatever clinical term they use..
again, strange faces of unknown names scatter upon my eyes. it feels awkward but then again, you need to go with the flow… good thing i was with Guy Y. The room was studded with guys and they’re so noisy as if it’s like a party… Cool environment i should say. Until a guy entered the room and caught my attention……..
OMG, an officemate!
chills ran down through my body and right away i stumbled my eyes away from him. he sat infront of me and i was speechless, this can’t be happening.. I need to break the ice…. and there you go, another acquaintance turned friend.
on a lighter note, this conversion led me to more friends and acquaintances, which is good kasi
i dont have much network to lay down..
these were some of the events im looking forward to meet again… hopefully, not that awkward.
This is my first official blog…
I tried to do blogging on some personal social networking sites like Friendster and Multiply…
Unfortunately, my typing and critical thinking skills wouldn’t allow me to. I mean, i’m so tamad to make blogs simply because … I don’t have something to write to.
My life seemed to be meaningless, not full of surprises and stories worth sharing with.
I really hate Formal Theme Writing and Essay based exams, I’d rather go “algebraic” and compute for missing values of X and Y
Cutting it short, my life is pretty normal until the moment I was seroconverted… you know what I mean, Lentiviruses go swarm and multiply excitedly inside my healthy cells, allowing their complex protein stuffs to bind with my cells’ CD4 and CCR5 then using their reverse transcriptase converting RNA’s to DNA’s and the life cycle goes.
Another reason why I should hate monkeys, or even break out into Pentagon and ask who biologically engineered the virus.
Anyways, enough of BioChem…
Now that my “one-shot” lifetime became more fragile… maybe this is the time to contemplate and think about if this life is worth sharing for.