The Blame Game

HIV infection rate in the Philippines is growing and the blame game is ongoing, the government who lacks will to mitigate the crisis, the person involved for being risky or the exponential evolution of technology which places everything within reach.

You can’t really pinpoint something just to cover other else’s shortcomings. The Philippine government is slowly catching up when it come to prevention and information dissemenation. They have provided a straight up insurance for PLHIV thru Philhealth, they do information campaign, though not enough. The person behind the risky acts? Simple, they aren’t fully informed and well educated on the things they do. The solution? Fully accessible information, open mindedness, and acceptance. A system that will empower an individual to get tested. This is already enforced by local groups such as Love Yourself and the like. Technology is constant, it rapidly changes every year. You put the blame why a person has been infected because of Grindr or Tinder. Internet and technology is already a necessity. 

These three take part in preventing the undoable situation. It all boils down to proper information at hand. When you’re fully equipped with facts, figures, and details, use technology in a proper sense, risk will be minimized. Girl, you can search your crush’s name in Facebook, what more researching about HIV. Meeting someone in the 70s or 80s in a disco, bar, pub or parking lot doesn’t have much difference meeting someone in Grindr, Tinder or Facebook.

If John is unaware of the risks of having online encounters, it can be easily known through internet. If John doesn’t have an internet, government comes in. If John knows it will be safer to use protection during online hook ups, risks are greatly reduced.

You can’t blame one. Everyone takes part of thr HIV figures the Philippines currently have. The freedom of meeting someone online for hookups is all yours. You just have to know the risks involved, how to minimize it and who are your resources when it comes to proper and correct information, and that includes you.

I know there are different views on this. But the goal is just the same, saving those risky behaviours from HIV, promoting safe encounters, and placing extra care, assistance and support to those who have it.

Related article from Rappler

http://www.rappler.com/newsbreak/in-depth/173761-orgy-tinder-social-media-sex-hiv-aids-youth-philippines

Broken Tooter

It was a normal solo tour of Hong Kong. Strolling around Tsim Tsa Tsui, watching the Hong Kong skyline, window shopping in Mongkok and grabbing some of the best Chinese food. What makes it memorable was the kinky sideline activities I had.

I have a great friend who lives and works in Hong Kong, we met when he and his boyfriend visited the Philippines. Remember this post? I promised them to pay a visit when I’m in Hong Kong. But unfortunately, they broke up. I’m in constant contact with this guy and I let him know I’m around. We met and he showed me around and had lunch together. It was a good time, catching up with a good old friend. Having ice cream by the promenade and walking by the business district.

On the second day, I wanted to try its famous nightlife, of course, as an introvert, I can’t really rely on myself and what I did was to open Grindr and possibly meet someone to be with, suggest which bars and clubs to go to show me around Lan Kwai Fong. It didn’t take too long to find a good companion. We met after office hours, had a little chit chat and got some dumpling dinner. He was cool and there were no awkwardness. After dinner, we went to Lan Kwai Fong and scouted some gay bars, we went to this place which was quite laid back, good music and ambiance. He asked me if he can invite his friend, “it’s ok, go ahead” I uttered. Minutes later, we met his friend and god, he sure looks good. Dressed neatly, eye glasses on, sleek hair and the way he smell was pretty inviting. After a couple of hours, we transferred to a more edgy club with loud music, a dance floor and definitely more guys. Minutes later, friend 1 needs to go home due to the fact that it was a mid week. Me and the cute friend were left behind, had a little talk and what not. Knowing how good looking he was, several other guys tried to butt in wanting to have a talk. It got a little awkward to a point that I’m no longer enjoying the time. Cute guy then decided to bail out, I don’t know why but he may have met a hookup or what. So I was left there alone, not knowing what to do. Hours later, I felt pity and decided to left. What happened was no big deal, it happens and I just don’t know what to do after it.

My last day proved to be a memorable one. Someone messaged me from Grindr and asking for us to meet. I said why not, it’s my free time and I can go anywhere. I can just go somewhere after meeting this guy. He asked me to go to his place, he was just ok but hey, his body was crazy as hell. I can’t describe how good his physique is. I know for myself that this will be going to be a hookup or something so I mentally prepared myself what to do. It was indeed a hookup but with a little twist, a CF hookup. For all you know, CF is ChemFun, that’s what I know. Correct me if am mistaken. Basically, there are drugs involved while you’re having fun. I thought it was just poppers, but hell no. He came up with this tooter apparatus and started to inhale fumes from it. I’m not sure what chemical is in it but for sure it was ice. I blatantly declined when he tried to offer me. He was already getting agitated which I know is an effect of that drug and it made me nervous like crazy. He was still intact and knows what’s happening, just that I don’t know what he might do. Knowing I’m in his lair, I just obliged and went with the flow. He even inhaled out the fumes and blew it to my mouth. Like 2 fishes brooding each other. I immediately felt the high. He offered again, but I abruptly decline. Once is enough. As we do our thing, his tooter fell and broken into pieces. I thought he had another spare but luckily, it’s the only one. A big sigh of relief. I packed up as soon as I can and left. Bye. Blocked.¬†

It was a thrilling experience I must say. I didn’t expect it to happen. The high feeling was still lingering when I got back to the hotel. I don’t felt molested or what but I was rather caught off guard. Still no regrets. It was an experience. Before catching my flight, I decided to shrug what happened that day, went to a coffee shop, guy watching, as if nothing has happened. Thank god that tooter broke down but I still recall how beautiful his body was.

#Grindr Problems

Every gay person on this planet prolly has Grindr. If not all, maybe 90%. From cruising singles to kinky dissatisfied¬†couples, it’s an avenue to meet others in a least conventional way.

Seeing in different perspectives, from normal gay guys to PLHIV’s. I don’t really equate PLHIV as “not normal” beings but rather I want to imply that there are instances specific to us that may or may not be experienced the by lesser evils.

Yes, we are on using Grindr. But for what? Hookups, meetups, just to kill time while chatting and if it comes to that — relationships. Ok, given these reasons, what’s next? That’s the story here.

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First
Human Instinct

need for human instinct

Us PLHIV’s also have the need for human instinct. Sex.

Disclaimer
As long as you are responsible enough, doing it safe and knows how to do it in accordance to the unwritten rules, then I think it’s fine.

You met this guy online. The perfect time and place. You’re both into each other and decided to get into action. Everything went fine and you expect another session of this sooner or later and you eventually found out, you’re both PLHIV’s? Surprise, you have something in common! What happens next? I don’t know, it’s up to you. You can be BFFs (best fucking friends) or go up a notch.

The question is, how in the world you know that he’s also one and he know that you are also one. There are many ways but perhaps there are 2 ways. You saw his medication on the table (just shows how lousy your sex partner is) or at the end of your steaming action, there were this hunch and sense. Pretty awkward.

Second
Lost opportunity

A lost opportunity

There are times when you’re desperate, lonely and empty.
And for us PLHIV’s, it’s quite hard to look for a date. Not all are willing to date someone who has HIV (but thank you Analise #HTGAWM for showing the world it’s possible)
Suddenly opened your Grindr, met this cute hot nice guy. Emphasis on “cute hot and nice”. Had sex and you think you are very compatible. Your mind overcome this notion that this is not just good sex, a cute hot guy is so nice like a prince charming, like a one in a million catch in the Pacific ocean?

Now you start to get anxious of how well this will go. You know that this is something and finally he asked you for a movie date? Sounds cliche but it happens. The bad part is, you initially had sex. You plan to disclose your status in the long run but since you are anxious enough if what will happen, it branches out of whether he might get mad for you not telling him right away, trust issue, rejection, yada yada.. and you decided to just disappear. Out of the blue. Like a meteorite entering in to Earth’s atmosphere, slowly burning and disappearing to a meteor. Waiting for another hundred years for another asteroid. Now this experience added to your existing emotional burden. A lost opportunity.

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Third
Condemned AF

it would have gone out far

I know this somehow applies to all of us.

There’s this cute guy in Grindr you’ve been lurking for days. Finally sends you a message, asking you to meet and have coffee or something. He’s cute, he acts nice. The first date was great and you decided to do it again. he got your trust and eventually you spill the beans. The beautiful world of unicorns and pancakes tumbled down. He’s grossed out, he thinks you’re a filthy animal because you have HIV, he dislikes you, looked at you from head to toe. Then there goes your heart ache. Not because you expected something, but the shame you got. The regret of getting this lifetime gift re-surged. Thinking if only I don’t have this, it would have gone out far.

What does these mean? If it ain’t easy for you, what more for us? Always keep it safe.

Yes, With Reservations

I’m not really a socially active person. I hardly meet other guys through common friends, going to clubs or bars nor even approach one at a coffeeshop. Instead, I rely heavily on social media apps. Grindr, Jack’d and even on athetic Tinder Plus (emphasize on plus subscription). Though I’m not also active when in comes to initiating a conversation. I just wait for someone to message me first. That’s how relentlessly introvert The Chemistry Guy is.

I met this guy on Grindr who lives pretty near our house. Like 3 blocks away. The basic shit of talking on gay apps such as how am I doing, where am I located, what am I up too and stuff like that. It came to a point that he invited me to his house. I didn’t refuse. Why not? He’s near me and like 5 minutes walk away.

We met outside his gate. We went in to his porch, he smoked a stick of cigarette. Introduced each other in an awkward way. At this point, am not really expecting something. I set my mind him not liking me. But as seconds came by, he invited me to his room.

Ok, there must me something. A progress.

And there it goes. We only made out, no penetrative action nor unsafe acts. Just 2 guys deprived from sensual links.

I like you

An explicit word for me. Scary beacause of — why and how?.

You’re sensible and smart. You’re tall. I like your eyes and you have clean feet.

End of the road for me. In all fairness, he looks good, he’s tall as well, mature enough and well established. The only down draft is, he’s drug dependent. He kept telling me stories of how he become a drug user. His depressive side and how he is strugling with it. Seems like he knows me for a very long time telling me personal stories like these.

The day has gone. Another week has passed. He then messaged me again in Grindr, asking if I can drop by again. I did and same as last, made out like hell. He does it pretty intense. Still, no penetrative actions. On the safe side. I know this responsibility I am holding onto.

He asked if we can have dinner, go to the movies and even asked if he can drop by the office to fetch me. I know this is already something. On the third meet up,

Do you see ourselves being together. Like partners? What are we now?

Uh, I don’t know. As far as what we are doing is concerned, we are like friends with benefits? He then again asked, do you like me?

Uh. At the back of my head, I want to definitely say yes. But the way we first met, I know it was an intimate moment so am quite apprehensive that he might reject me if I disclose my status. I don’t want to destroy his professional career and his established plans.. so I answered..

Yes. But with reservations.

Of course not verbatim. But you know what I mean. I already set up a wall. Barricaded myself of the potential rejection that I may partake. Besides, he’s like a mushroom that shrooms once in a while. I always see him online and it’s his first time to be on the online gay dating world. He maybe still curious of what it can offer.

I shrugged and let it go. Perhaps we will be just friends. Please, teach me how to deal with these kinds of meet up.